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Friday, August 17, 2012 - Page updated at 06:00 p.m.
An offensive line all rolled up in one 12-year-old kid
By Dwight Perry
The Seattle Times
Hey, it's not called Pee Wee football for nothing.
The league in Mesquite, Texas, has banned Elijah Earnheart from playing because he doesn't meet the sixth-grade division's 160-pound maximum weight limit and his mother is protesting the move, the New York Daily News reported.
Elijah, 12, stands 6 feet 1 and weighs 297 pounds.
• At Fark.com: "Nebraska offensive lineman Tyler Moore leaves team. He's not going to make it after all."
• At TheOnion.com: "Usain Bolt spotted at nightclub celebrating with time clock."
Sports Marketing 101
So how soon before Balco rolls out its first Melky Way power bar?
Rays manager Joe Maddon knew his hitters were in trouble during Felix Hernandez's perfect game Wednesday when they didn't do much with an early diet of King Felix fastballs.
"(Then) he introduced all his other goodies," Maddon told reporters, "and that's when it got kind of ugly."
Call the NCAA
Yet another competition — this time Scrabble — has been hit with a cheating scandal after a player at a tournament in Orlando, Fla., was caught with a couple extra tiles up his sleeve.
As for a possible motive, investigators say they're still drawing a blank.
Watch those elbows
Roller derby was founded in Chicago on Aug. 13, 1935, a fortuitous move for holiday-sale shoppers.
Accentuate the positive
The Tucson Padres, managed by ex-big-league skipper Terry Kennedy, allowed a whopping 33 hits — four shy of the Pacific Coast League record — in a 20-3 loss to the Omaha Storm Chasers.
"Kennedy could brag about his pitching staff on one front," wrote Don Norcross of The San Diego Union-Tribune. "The Padres allowed only one walk."
• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, after a Nashville radio personality sued the NHL Predators because he was injured during a 'human hockey puck' stunt: "The bright side? He was the game-winning goal."
• ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, after the U.S. topped the London Games with 104 medals: "So congratulations to all the Olympic medal winners/future 'Dancing With the Stars' contestants."
• B.C. comic Torben Rolfsen, after The Economist named Vancouver the world's third-most livable city: "Another bronze for Canada."
• CBS's David Letterman, on Usain Bolt, the fastest man on earth: "The slowest man on earth? It's the guy at the crosswalk whenever I try to make a right turn."
Time for Plan B
A 70-year-old Nebraska football tradition — releasing 5,000 red balloons when the Cornhuskers score their first touchdown — might be in jeopardy because of a national helium shortage.
If they have to switch to hot air, there's always Lee Corso.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
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