If you bought a home and made the mistake of having a telephone installed, you know what I am talking about. It always goes like this: You just sit down to dinner and the phone rings. A pleasant person on the other end begins ever so sweetly, asking how I am doing this evening and, without pausing for an answer, informing me that I'm about to learn some "exciting" news.

Now, this person's definition of "exciting" is a little different than the average person's definition. For example, I don't find it exciting that I qualify for a new credit card, nor do I get covered with goose bumps because there will be a representative in my neighborhood to show me an "exciting" new product.

In the last couple of years, these telemarketers have gotten so bad that I have been reduced to a practice I would usually find repulsive. I have started telling bald-faced lies.

When I pick up the phone and the person on the other end asks for "Mr. Johnston," I tell the inquirer that Mr. Johnston is out for the evening.

I know the people calling me are telemarketers and not friends. My friends never call me "Mr. Johnston." They call me other names, but Mr. Johnston is certainly not one of them. The other reason I know when it's a telemarketer is because there is usually dead silence when I pick up the phone and say "Hello."

If I say "Hello" again and the voice comes on, it has to be a telemarketer.

Once I hear "Good evening, Mr. Johnston. How are you?" I know I am stuck until the guy runs out of breath. I've taught my wife and kids to say I'm not home if someone asks for "Mr. Johnston."

But these telemarketer people are smart. In the last year or so, I have found they ask for me by my first name, so my family members and I actually think it is a friend calling me.

The next thing I know, I'm listening to some person tell me why I want new siding or a roof or an "exciting" chance to refinance my house. This person doesn't pause to take a breath so I cannot say I'm not interested. Finally, when the guy runs out of air, I hang up after saying I'm not interested.

(My mother didn't raise me to be impolite so I don't hang up on people — not even telemarketers — in mid-sentence.)

Because these telemarketers take up so much of my time, I decided to study their methods. To save other people a lot of research, I'll pass along the secret to getting rid of 90 percent of the telemarketers:

DO NOT ANSWER YOUR PHONE UNTIL AFTER THE FOURTH RING!

Telemarketers work with computers that automatically dial phone numbers. One telemarketer may have four or five phones ringing at the same time. Whichever person answers the phone first gets to listen to the sales pitch.

The other people may answer the phone, but all they hear is silence. That's because the computer knows one phone has been answered, and the rest are history.

The reason you have to wait for four rings before picking up is because the computer also knows most answering machines pick up after the fifth ring, so to avoid being caught in a cute answering machine greeting, the computer hangs up.

So if you call me, wait until the phone rings at least four times. Then I'll pick up. Of course, if Mrs. Johnston is close to the phone, she picks up after the first ring.

Why? Because she says she doesn't believe anything I say.