Valentine's Day is like a box of chocolates — who knows what you'll find on stage?

In the mood for some improvised neo-flamenco, semi-burlesque, drag-chanteusing, makeup-ruining heartbreak on Valentine's Day?

Well, you can have it all — but not in one venue.

Below are half a dozen offbeat V-Day events that have come to our attention:

"Pity Party!": In the "tiny, exclusive, red-velvet backroom" of Ballard's Copper Gate Bar, Sari Breznau and Lara Paxton Rasberry — better known as Circus Contraption's Pinky d'Ambrosia and Poppy Daze — celebrate "the highs and lows of being single with an evening of drinking, complaining, tap dancing, ukuleles, puppetry, singalongs, aerial, pole dancing and pickled herring." For singles only, they insist. Varying times Wednesday-Sunday, Copper Gate Bar, 6301 24th Ave. N.W., Seattle; for ages 21 and over; $20 (800-838-3006 or www.brownpapertickets.com).

"Break a Heart": Nine local choreographers whip together "a loungy, alcohol-soaked cabaret on the theme of love," in tribute, they say, to "one of the most unfortunate holidays of the year." The lineup of talents includes Wade Madsen, Crispin Spaeth, Juliet Waller Pruzan/Stephen Hando and others. 8 p.m. Thursday-Sunday, On the Boards, 100 W. Roy St., Seattle; $18 (206-217-9888 or www.ontheboards.org).

"Comedy of Love": Unexpected Productions, acting on audience suggestions, brings its improv skills to "love, lust and everything in between." The six performers are "actual couples themselves!" 8:30 p.m. Friday-Saturday, 7 p.m. Sunday, Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, Seattle; $15 (206-587-2414 or www.unexpectedproductions.org).

"Kiss Kiss with the Bang Bang Big Band!": The Heavenly Spies — a burlesque troupe "known for their death-defying high kicks and gravity-defying hair" — are accompanied by a nine-piece band and some "James Bond-esque video projections." 7:30 p.m. Friday-Saturday, Triple Door, 216 Union St., Seattle; $20 (206-838-4333 or www.tripledoor.net).

"My Romance ... a Valentine Cabaret": Drag chanteuse Arnaldo! (always with an exclamation point) makes a dinner-show appearance, accompanied by pianist-singer Victor Janusz and bassist Troy Kendrick for numbers ranging from Patsy Cline's "She's Got You" to Rogers and Hart's "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." Food is from the Tin Table. Dinner seating 6 p.m., showtime 7:30 p.m., Century Ballroom, 915 E. Pine St., second floor, Seattle; $15-$20 show only, $45-$50 dinner and show (206-324-7263 or www.centuryballroom.com).

Andre Feriante with Troupe de Ville: In his 12th annual Benaroya Hall concert, the guitarist is joined by Troupe De Ville (singer Steve Thoreson, pianist Overton Berry, violinist Swil Kanim, guitarist Eric Fridrich and bassist Steve Kim) in "a musical mix of fiery flamenco, classical-guitar standards and spoken poetry." Feriante will also pay homage to his mentor Andrés Segovia. 7:30 p.m., Benaroya Hall, 200 University St., Seattle; $40 (206-215-4747 or www.troupedeville.com).

Michael Upchurch: mupchurch@seattletimes.com