Chalk it up to the luck of the Scottish.
Chris Tugwell had played golf for 10 years without hitting a hole-in-one — then did it twice just five holes apart, on the 157-yard seventh and the 168-yard 12th at Bruntsfield Golf Course near Edinburgh.
"It was only when the guy I was playing said 'good shot' and told me it was going in that I realized I might have done it again," Tugwell, 25, told The Scotsman newspaper. "To his credit, he took it really well, because you don't really expect your opponent to get one hole-in-one, let alone two."
Odds of it happening in one round, according to Golf Digest: 67 million to 1.
A Little League father from Kent, N.Y., has been charged with misdemeanor assault, The Associated Press reported, after he allegedly punched the coach of 9- and 10-year-olds who suspended his kid for uppity behavior.
"A word of warning to youth baseball coaches," wrote Bob Reno of BadJocks.com. "If you kick a kid off the team for insubordination, you can probably assume the little acorn hasn't fallen far from the big nut tree."
Defeating the Cubans
Rumor has it that U.S. military big-wigs can't wait to meet Shaquille O'Neal and Dwyane Wade when the new NBA champs make their inevitable White House visit.
Or, as Pentagon types now refer to the Miami Heat's 1-2 punch: Shaq and Awe.
What were you doing at age 18? Jockey Fernando Jara was winning this year's Belmont Stakes aboard Jazil.
"My greatest accomplishment at 18," wrote Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, "was constructing a floor-to-ceiling pyramid of empty Budweiser cans."
Quoth the mavens
• Paul Katcher of sportsbybrooks.com, on Gonzaga getting a basketball pledge from a Montana high-schooler who just finished the ninth grade: "Maybe not such a great idea. When I was that age, I made a verbal commitment to Elle Macpherson, and that didn't exactly work out as I'd hoped."
• Bryant Gumbel of HBO's "Real Sports," on Americans calling soccer boring: "For God's sake, we're a nation that venerates 1-0 baseball games, watches cars make endless left-hand turns and televises people playing poker and dominoes."
• Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, on why baseball closers are like girlfriends: "You remember the great ones, you remember the awful ones, and you vaguely remember everyone in between."
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen using a sexual slur to describe Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti: "Sounds like Ozzie's gone off his Rocker."
Eyes glazed over
A man with a blood-alcohol reading of .12 has been charged with DUI for driving a golf cart in wild circles and doing burnouts on the first fairway at Palmerston Golf and Country Club in north Australia.
As police Sgt. Mark Stringer told news.com.au: "Obviously his behavior is what brought him to police attention."
Well, duh — the guy was doing doughnuts.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com