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Originally published Tuesday, August 26, 2014 at 5:46 PM

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one way to tack on yardage


The Seattle Times

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Well, that’s one school record that will never be broken.

Gabriel Jordan, playing in Arizona Christian University’s first-ever NAIA football game, a 40-16 loss to Evangel U., muffed a punt, ran back into the end zone and picked it up.

And returned it 109 yards — 100, officially — for a touchdown.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Rubble courts at tennis’ Syrian Open present unique challenge for players.”

• At SportsPickle.com: “Newest Madden so realistic, users can’t control players.”

Hey, bettor, bettor

The MGM Grand’s legendary “Lion’s Share” slot machine finally coughed up its massive jackpot after 21 years — to the tune of $2.4 million — at 1-in-20 million odds.

“So you’re telling me there’s a chance,” gushed 50,000 Cubs fans in unison.

Grade-A performance

American CiCi Bellis, 15, on Tuesday became the youngest player to win a match at the U.S. Open since 1996.

Finding a “What I Did This Summer” topic shouldn’t be a problem.

And the winner is ...

AMC’s “Breaking Bad” won this year’s Emmy Award for best drama, somehow beating out the odds-on favorite from NBA TV, “Tarnished Sterling.”

Food for thought

Has defensive tackle Nick Fairley eaten his way out of the Lions’ lineup?

“You are what you eat,” pointed out Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press. “Second helpings, second string.”

Pass the Tums

Fairley might want to sit out the road trip to Green Bay, where this season’s food fare includes $12 “Bratchos” — pieces of brat, cheese and fried chips.

Or as Heath Barbato, Lambeau Field’s executive chef, described it to ESPN.com: “It’s basically Wisconsin in a bucket.”

Quote marks

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, scoffing at the NFL penalizing players for smoking pot: “The only way marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug is if somebody puts a Hershey bar on the goal line.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Dick Bavetta, 74, finally retiring as an NBA referee: “Bavetta has seen it all in 39 years. Well, except for traveling.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on Dan Marino’s new advisory role with the Dolphins: “Suggested title: Senior Vice President of Good Old Days.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the 49ers’ new Levi’s Stadium needed a turf replacement after each of its first two games: “Who designed this field, the Marquis de Sod?”

He fires up the team

Among the players Chris Petersen inherited when he took over as Washington’s new football coach: fire-eating Hawaiian Psalm Wooching.

Just call him Pete’s Dragon.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com



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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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