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Originally published July 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM | Page modified July 17, 2014 at 9:22 PM

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Derek Jeter is retiring, in case you missed it

Anyone up for “Pride of the Yankees,” Part 2? “I must have missed something when I turned on the All-Star Game,” mused comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. “Just how many weeks does Derek Jeter have left to live?”


The Seattle Times

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Anyone up for “Pride of the Yankees,” Part 2?

“I must have missed something when I turned on the All-Star Game,” mused comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. “Just how many weeks does Derek Jeter have left to live?”

Soccer headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Brazilian government posts listings for 12 soccer stadiums on Craigslist.”

• At SportsPickle.com: “Local soccer bar back to just being an Irish pub again.”

Fall classic

The world’s tallest water slide — 168½ feet high — has opened in Kansas City, Kan.

Though technically it’s only the second-biggest drop of the summer, if you care to include the Boston Red Sox.

Standing-room only

And in tourism news, Japan boasts a site — the Kunigami Shrine in Tochigi Prefecture — dedicated solely to hemorrhoids.

Though the jade statue of George Brett seems a bit over the top.

Funnies business

Among the 10 most memorable moments in comic-strip history, from CBS’s David Letterman:

• “The Katzenjammer Kids beat Brazil’s soccer team, 7-1.

• “Bazooka Joe choking to death on stale gum.

• “Scrooge McDuck refusing to sell the Los Angeles Clippers.”

Know Thyself Dept.

“Tonight a man told me that Richard Sherman is the best defensive player he’s ever seen,” EPSY host Drake noted in his opening monologue. “And that man’s name is Richard Sherman.”

Veteran cheerleader

Kriste Lewis, 40, became only the second 40-something to make an NFL cheerleading squad when she landed a spot on the New Orleans Saintsations.

Or as they now call her in cheer circles, Georgette Blanda.

News flash

Dateline Minneapolis: BP coach accused of not grooving pitches during All-Star Home Run Derby.

Stat of the Week

The 49ers’ Farewell to Candlestick flag-football game attracted 30,000 fans Saturday night.

Or, roughly 1,000 more than the WNBA drew for four games Sunday.

Quote marks

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on Joey Chestnut winning his eighth straight hot-dog eating contest: “Unfortunately, the win was overshadowed when his rival, Johnny Hot Dog, won his ninth consecutive chestnut-eating contest.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after police found the Olympic ring stolen from curling champion Brad Jacobs: “I’m thinking it was recovered in a sweep.”

• ESPY host Drake, on Thunder guard Russell Westbrook’s attire: “If CenturyLink Field got any louder, Westbrook would be wearing it.”

No Patriot games

Russian president Vladimir Putin was among the dignitaries attending Sunday’s World Cup final.

None of the Germans, to their credit, let him try on their championship medals.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com



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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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