Rice recruiter lands the pick of the litter box
The Seattle Times
Apparently it’s not just dog-eat-dog out on the recruiting trail.
Rice’s football team secured a commitment from local three-star quarterback J.T. Granato, the Houston Chronicle reported, after co-offensive coordinator Billy Lynch sent a convincing letter — to Granato’s cat.
“I know you’d like to keep him close so he can feed you and change the litter box,” penned Lynch. “Please help us to get him to choose us. Paw me if you have any questions.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Aaron Hernandez suspended as part of the NFL’s second-time murderer policy.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Kevin Garnett mostly just pounding chest to keep heart going at this point.”
The tooth hurts
Many Olympic athletes, said IOC dental director Paul Piccininni, “have bodies of Adonis and a garbage mouth.”
“Tell us about it,” said 20 hockey teams in unison.
“The NBA is having one of its most exiting playoff seasons ever,” wrote RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “In fact, two out of 10 Americans say they watched the NBA instead of the seventh round of the NFL draft.”
FC Barcelona has given Lionel Messi a big pay bump — up to a reported $34 million a year.
Safe to say he just scored his golden goal.
Audible Groaner Dept.
The NFL’s biggest offseason suspense — no, not the draft destinations of Johnny Football or Jadeveon Clowney — has finally been lifted.
“I can’t tell you how many suggestions I get on what word I should use next year — cities, states, businesses, a lot of websites,” said Broncos QB Peyton Manning told Nebraska banquet-goers. “I am here to tell you I am sticking with ‘Omaha!’ ”
Home sweet home
“The Oakland A’’ are considering building a waterfront stadium,” noted Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. “It’d be great if the Raiders could play there, too; fans would feel like they’re back at Alcatraz.”
• Comic Torben Rolfsen, after Vladimir Putin scored six goals in a Night Hockey League amateur game in Sochi: “The opposing team was just happy it didn’t go to a shootout.”
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un starring in his own video game, along with Dennis Rodman: “I thought they already had Looney Tunes B-Ball.”
• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, after Magic Johnson said he’s praying for Donald Sterling: “Yeah, he’s praying for him to get stuck in an elevator with Beyoncé’s sister.”
• Blogger TC Chong, after QB Johnny Manziel went 22nd to the Cleveland Browns: “In Dog Pound years, that’s like 154.”
Blue Devil money
Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski, at $9,682,032 a year, is the highest-paid coach in college sports, according to USA Today.
Just call him Coach $9,682K.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
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