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Originally published April 1, 2014 at 6:03 PM | Page modified April 1, 2014 at 6:04 PM

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With this sorry team, he’d be the one getting picked on

The Seattle Times

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Well, bully for him!

Dolphins pariah Richie Incognito says he’d love to play for Oakland because “the Raiders have that aura.”

“The Raiders must be flattered,” wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. “… Talk about desperate sucking up. The Raiders are a lackluster football organization with an interesting past and questionable future.

“Aura? Ghostbusters couldn’t locate the Raiders’ aura.”

That’s cold

“Frozen” is an animated film about a spellbound:

a) kingdom facing the threat of eternal winter.

b) batter facing Clayton Kershaw’s curveball.

Tweet of the Week

From God @TheTweetOfGod: “I spend about two-thirds of My time deciding the outcome of sporting events.”

Going downhill fast

Italian Simone Origone broke his own world speed-skiing record when he clocked 156.8 mph down a slope in the French Alps.

Origone credited perfect skiing conditions and a good coating of Clark Griswold’s latest kitchen-lubricant spray.

One for the money

And you wonder why college players are pushing to unionize (cont’d):

Aaron Harrison hits a winning three-pointer to put Kentucky in the Final Four and earn $329,166 in incentive bonuses — for Wildcats coach John Calipari, his assistant coaches and AD Mitch Barnhart.

Here’s the lowdown

“Baseball Down Under” refers to:

a) The season-opening Dodgers-Diamondbacks series in Australia.

b) The Astros not laying eyes on .500 since 2008.

Stat of the Week

The final 60 seconds of the first 52 NCAA tournament games this year took an average elapsed time of 5 minutes, 57 minutes to complete, according to

Quote marks

• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on Knicks president Phil Jackson being engaged to Lakers president Jeanie Buss: “I’m not sure this will work. The Knicks just acquired Pau Gasol in exchange for Jackson promising to leave the toilet seat down.”

• Reader Colin Gore, to syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on Alex Rodriguez’s career plummet: “In biblical terms, could we say that A-Rod has finished Biogenesis and begun Exodus?”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the downside to college football players picketing: “Every time the line moves, they’re penalized 5 yards.”

• Ex-Notre Dame QB Johnny Lujack, 89, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press on being the oldest living Heisman Trophy winner: “I really don’t mind the ‘living’; it’s that ‘oldest’ I don’t like.”

Dogs in the road

Reactions were mixed after an 18-wheeler dumped its entire load — 75,000 Foster Farms corn dogs — on Interstate 220 near Shreveport, La.

Eyewitnesses were stunned. Joey Chestnut was downright inconsolable.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports. | 206-464-8250


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