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Originally published March 8, 2014 at 4:27 PM | Page modified March 8, 2014 at 4:43 PM

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Like someone once said, hit ’em where they ain’t


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Sideline Chatter

Albert Belle’s golf tip of the day: Don’t get rattled.

“Rattlesnakes make great golf instructors,” the former big-league slugger told BugsAndCranks.com, “because you do not want to hit the ball into the desert and come up on a rattlesnake, because you think that if you get close to one they’re going to start rattling ...

“So you want to keep the ball on the grass.”

Puck heads

• At SportsPickle.com: “NHL unable to find a taker for Gary Bettman at the trade deadline.”

• At Fark.com: “Tampa Bay sends St. Louis to New York.”

Going, going Braun

Brewers right fielder Ryan Braun, suspended last season for PED use, had a .667 batting average and 1.444 slugging percentage after his first five Cactus League games.

“Give me some of whatever that guy’s taking,” said absolutely no one within earshot of a recording device.

Throwing into coverage

Giants QB Eli Manning hopped onstage at the House of Blues for an impromptu solo when Better Than Ezra performed there during Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

He also threw some beads, but those got intercepted.

Weighing in

A 100-pound boy fishing in the Mississippi River broke the Louisiana state record when the 12-year-old hauled in a 114-pound catfish.

Or to put it in golfing terms, he was 14 under par.

Don’t spare the Rod

A New Jersey high-school senior who refused to abide by her parents’ rules took them to court because they stopped paying her tuition.

Just call her Teen A-Rod.

Good question

Jacksonville’s NFL team has started a new initiative to enhance its season-ticket benefits, calling it Jaguars 365.

Shouldn’t they try mastering Jaguars 16 first?

18 up, 18 down

Indians pitcher John Axford, in case you missed it, went 18 for 18 tweeting out his Oscar predictions.

“Axford has really taken a liking to ‘Gravity,’ ” NoJumperCables posted to Deadspin.com. “His curveball is still unaware that it exists.”

Apologizing in advance

The Red Sox said sorry to the Marlins after fielding a team of virtually all minor-leaguers in a Grapefruit League game against Miami last week.

It might not be the last such apology the Marlins get this year: They play the Astros in late July.

Talko time

• Commenter DavieRicky, to NBCsports.com, after nose tackle B.J. Raji turned down an $8 million-a-year deal from the Packers a year ago and got offered only $4 million this time: “How’s that discount double-check treating you, Raji?”

• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on the Bassmaster Classic’s $300,000 first prize: “Parents, forget putting a ball in baby’s crib. Put a baited hook in there!”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on the Philadelphia 76ers’ double-digit losing streak: “Maybe they should change their name to the 86ers.”

Dental benefits

Ex-Giants defensive end Michael Strahan wants the trademark space between his front teeth evident on his Pro Football Hall of Fame bust.

In other words, some unwitting sculptor is suddenly hard at work perfecting his one-gap technique.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com



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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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