One piece of advice: stay very, very still
The Seattle Times
Unplayable lie or movable obstruction?
Lee Westwood hit a tee shot that landed down a fan’s sweater at the World Match Play Championships.
Joked Westwood’s caddie to the woman: “Would you mind walking 250 yards further?”
• At SportsPickle.com: “49ers players say mean Jim Harbaugh makes all the rules and yells sometimes.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Dick Vitale undergoes annual bracketological examination.”
One of the nation’s top high-school basketball teams — Curie of Chicago — had to forfeit its 24-1 season and city league title when seven players were discovered to be ineligible.
If it’s any consolation, the Condors just clinched this year’s D-Day Lewis Academic Achievement Award.
Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko said his upcoming back surgery would be televised live.
So the dude with the scalpel had better stick the landing.
From Canadian bobsledder Tim Randall: “4 yrs ago I was drunk on a couch & said I wanna go to the Olympics. 4 yrs later I’m drunk on a couch at the Olympics.”
“At the NFL Combine, Johnny Manziel ran a 4.56 40-yard dash,” wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. “Even more impressive: You put an autograph table and a broker at the end, he can do 4.49.”
• Former Times sportswriter Craig Smith, after 6-foot-7 tackle James Atoe reported to UW’s spring football practice weighing 375 pounds: “Up 26 pounds from his listed weight in December’s Fight Hunger Bowl.”
• Broken-nosed Heat star LeBron James, to the Miami Herald, when asked how many backup face protectors he owns: “About 25, if you include my kids’ masks the last nine years from Halloween.”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the specter of the 49ers letting coach Jim Harbaugh get away: “Hey, there’s plenty more fish in the sea, as I told Captain Ahab.”
• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, after each of Russia’s 44 Winter Olympic medalists were given a new Mercedes: “When asked what happened to the athletes who didn’t medal, (Vladimir) Putin said, ‘Do not open trunk.’ ”
Red Sox pitcher Jake Peavy was scratched from his first Grapefruit League start after he sliced a finger with a fishing knife.
In other words, he was the first player cut this spring.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
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