In the news:
Johnny Football wouldn’t want Texans to get dippy
The Seattle Times
Passing on Johnny Manziel with the No. 1 pick — and letting him fall to the Jaguars at No. 3 — could be a costly dip.
“It would be the worst decision (the Texans) ever made,” Texas A&M’s Johnny Football told the Houston Chronicle. “I’d be in the same division playing against them twice a year.
“Sorry, but you just turned that chip on my shoulder from a Frito into a Dorito.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “USA Hockey wears British throwback jerseys.”
• At TheOnion.com: “MetLife stadium crew working up courage to tell depressed Peyton Manning he has to leave locker room.”
Send in the Worm
The president of Clowns of America, citing a lack of young talent, says membership is plummeting.
Though not for any lack of trying on Dennis Rodman’s part.
Just Say Neigh Dept.
New Mexico suspended trainer John Stinebaugh for 16 years after four of his horses tested positive for a prohibited drug that’s an ingredient of Viagra.
Evidently the steed wouldn’t stop running for four hours, so somebody called a doctor.
Penalty on the play
Ravens running back Ray Rice and his fiancee were arrested after they tangled at an Atlantic City casino.
Witnesses said it was Rice, all right: He only made it 3.1 yards before security stopped him.
Augusta National Golf Club had to remove its famous Eisenhower Tree on the 17th hole because it was damaged beyond salvation in a recent ice storm.
Apparently Mother Nature isn’t sporting an “I Like Ike” button.
Falcons receiver Roddy White, cited for having overly tinted car windows, was arrested for not showing up for his court date.
Failure to appear? Heck, wasn’t that the official charge of the entire Atlanta team last season?
Tip that waiter
When it comes to nicknames, Thunder star Kevin Durant says, he’d like to be known as “The Servant.”
Except on payday, of course.
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Molly Schuyler, a 5-foot-7, 125-pound mother of four, ate a record 363 chicken wings in 30 minutes at Wing Bowl 22: “Witnesses say she was poultry in motion.”
• Canadian center Jonathan Toews, to the Toronto Sun, on Olympic hockey about to hit the medals stage: “Ready or not, it’s time to be ready.”
• Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press, via Twitter, after a guy proposed to his girlfriend on the Kiss Cam during a Maple Leafs game: “First time anybody’s got a ring there since 1967.”
Just woke up in a cold sweat from the ultimate Sochi nightmare.
As in, tennis scream queen Maria Sharapova decided to take up curling.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
email@example.com | 206-464-8250