No need for knights in shining armor to apply for this job
The Seattle Times
Karl Malone probably isn’t a big fan of King Arthur, either.
“I’m not concerned with your elbow pads, your knee pads, all of your garb and your full body armor,” the Mailman, helping out in Jazz training camp, told Salt Lake City’s KSL-TV.
“I had one of my ‘bigs’ today, and he had body armor from his thigh to his neck. I ask him what he was doing, and he said he was protecting himself. I said, ‘Who you protecting yourself [from]?’ There’s no sniper in this building! Man up! If you’re hurt, see the trainer and play the game.
“When I played, if you came out there with a sleeve on your elbow, I won’t say I’m going to attack it, but you’re a wounded animal and I’ve got to take a stab at it.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Ravens reviewing Flacco’s contract for any voidable loopholes.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Broncos’ perfect season ends with humiliating win over Jaguars.”
Boos on booze
The Plymouth (Ind.) High School band has been banned from playing “Rocky Top” at Rockies sporting events because the song’s third verse includes a moonshine reference.
Next up on the prohibition docket: No more road games in Champaign, Ill.
Cuban dismissal crisis
“Not saying I don’t like Mark Cuban’s chances in his insider-trading trial,” noted RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “but his best character witness so far has been David Stern.”
Talking the talk
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Nebraska agreeing to a home-and-home football series with Oregon, beginning in 2016: “And you were worried about the defense slowing Northwestern.”
• Utah football coach Kyle Whittingham, when a reporter asked if he celebrated his team’s win over fifth-ranked Stanford: “Yeah, I went to In-N-Out and had a Double-Double. That was the extent of it.”
• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on a sure sign Jets TE Kellen Winslow was juicing: “When he did bench-presses, there were players sitting on it.”
• ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, on the 0-6 Giants losing to the Bears last Thursday: “Usually the Giants lose on Sundays, but they wanted to get it in early this week so they could enjoy the weekend.”
Penalty on the play
A referee at a high-school football game in Covington, La., tried to eject a police officer who intervened in a sideline spat — and got himself hauled off to jail instead.
Apparently “offsetting penalties” didn’t apply in this case.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
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