In the news:
Fired first-base coach has more time to clap, take elbow guards with his family
The Seattle Times
Among the casualties after the Rangers’ latest season-ending flameout: first-base coach Dave Anderson.
“Wouldn’t you be better off firing the third-base coach?” asked blogger Chad Picasner. “He’s the guy that didn’t send enough runners home. All the first-base coach has to do is congratulate a player for getting on base and collect the various shinguards they wear.
“Was some of the equipment missing? Doesn’t he know all the complicated handshakes? What happened?”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Peyton Manning goes 28 for 34 for 327 yards and four touchdowns while recording two commercials as Broncos stampede the Eagles 52-20.”
• At TheOnion.com: “New Pro Football Hall of Fame exhibit allows visitors to experience concussion.”
To the penalty box
Two new statues of hometown hero Wayne Gretzky got spray-painted by vandals in Brantford, Ontario.
Outraged city officials can’t decide whether to install security cameras or simply add a Marty McSorley statue alongside them.
The end isn’t near
According to researchers at England’s University of East Anglia, the world will end between 1.75 billion and 3.25 billion years from now.
Or whenever the Mariners win the World Series, whichever comes first.
Rushing the net
Minnesota volleyball player Tori Dixon, already a three-time Big Ten defensive player of the week honoree this season, is the daughter of ex-Vikings offensive lineman Dave Dixon.
Tori’s forte, we assume, is the stuff-block.
Oakland’s Oaksterdam University, founded in 2007 by medical-marijuana activist Richard Lee, bills itself as America’s “first and premier cannabis college.”
In a related story, Ricky Williams no longer lists Texas as his alma mater.
And it comes burned
Spotted on the menu board at Skeeter’s Grill in Houston: “Matt Schaub Special: pick six — toppings for your burger — and pay dearly for it.”
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Mavs owner Mark Cuban on trial for insider trading: “It doesn’t look good for Mark. The jury includes three NBA refs.”
• Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, when asked if he had any updates on safety Rashad Johnson and his severed fingertip: “No, but if you want to be on TV, hang around him.”
• Patriots QB Tom Brady, to Vanity Fair magazine, on his favorite articles of clothing: “My wife’s lingerie.”
• Indians manager Terry Francona, to ESPN.com, on why his first season in Cleveland went better than his final one in Boston: “We stayed away from chicken and beer. That helped.”
Tooth in Advertising Dept.
Advil has been named the official pain reliever of the National Hockey League.
So what’s the league’s official chewing gum — Chiclets?
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
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