Attention: Cleanup in aisle 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and ...
The Seattle Times
Talk about putting the cart before the horsepower.
Matt McKeown of Plymouth, England, broke his own speed record for jet-propelled shopping carts when he piloted his ride 70.4 mph on an airfield runway. No word on whether he had to pit for groceries.
“It was the first time I’ve actually been scared driving that thing,” he told BBC News. “I remember going out for the final run and thinking this could genuinely go very wrong and be quite painful.”
• At Fark.com: “Australian man runs a marathon a day for 20 months. Difficulty: He’s now 16,000 miles from home.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Nationals say Stephen Strasburg will have no innings limit this September and October.”
Names in the game
And, into the The Name Certainly Fits club, let us welcome:
• Twins minor-leaguer Scott Diamond
• Aaron Hernandez’s lawyer: Michael Fee
John Gibbons has lost a ton of games, but not his sense of humor.
As the Blue Jays manager told reporters after getting swept by the Yankees: “I’m wondering if, maybe, on our way to Houston, we should stop over in Williamsport. We might be able to at least get a split there.”
At least, we think he was kidding.
Wrong shirt, no service
Ohio State officials and players chastised NFL scouts attending a Buckeyes workout because they sported:
a) Blue shirts that reminded them of rival Michigan
b) Tattoos that reminded them of NCAA sanctions
c) Stuffed shirts that reminded them of the NCAA
Talking the talk
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after Rays manager Joe Maddon had a 20-foot boa constrictor brought into the clubhouse as a motivational ploy: “With all the performance-enhancers in baseball, by the time it left it was a 40-foot snake.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Tim Tebow’s 0.0 passer rating against the Buccaneers: “No wonder his coaches keep saying, ‘Oh-Oh.’ ”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after Yankees manager Joe Girardi warned it could be “open season” on Alex Rodriguez: “Man, I hope A-Rod isn’t using that deer-antler extract.”
• Assistant football coach James Wicks of L.A.’s Garfield High School, to the L.A. Times, on chatterbox running back Ty’jon Delancy: “He don’t shut up. If you don’t want to sleep, give him a call.”
Paging Sal the Barber
And, from the Strange But True file, Dodgers reliever Brian Wilson turned down a $1 million offer to shave off his trademark beard, then went out and recorded his first strikeout of the season.
With an 88 mph cutter.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
email@example.com | 206-464-8250