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Originally published August 15, 2013 at 6:29 PM | Page modified August 15, 2013 at 8:31 PM

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Nice try, online gamer, but you’re no Joe DiMaggio

The Seattle Times

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Joe DiMaggio ... Pete Rose ... Will Bryan?

Baseball’s longest hitting streak this season — Bryan’s 47-gamer — came to an end last Saturday when the Braves’ Justin Upton went 0 for 4 in a 1-0 loss to the Marlins.

Bryan, an Atlanta-area resident, was playing’s “Beat the Streak” contest, which offers a $5.6 million prize to the first contestant (who can choose a different hitter each day) whose “streak” surpasses DiMaggio’s record 56-gamer.

“I felt terrible,” Upton told “I had been hot. It was a pretty safe pick, but I just didn’t get it done that night.”

Bryan can still win $10,000 if his streak holds up as the season’s longest.

49ers or bust

A computer program called The Predictalator ran 50,000 simulations of the upcoming the NFL season, with the 49ers winning the Super Bowl in 20.1 percent of them.

And Jim Harbaugh complained about refs’ calls the other 79.9 percent.

Consolation prizes

Finishing 2-6 in The Predictalator’s printouts: Broncos (14.6), Packers (10.5), Patriots (8.9), Seahawks (7.2) and Texans (7.1).

Film study

“Paranoia,” now showing in theaters, revolves around:

a) an entry-level employee spying on his company’s high-powered CEO.

b) a football coach’s desperate attempt to keep his deep snapper’s groin pull a secret.

Never mind

BYU football coach Bronco Mendenhall scrapped plans to remove players’ names from the backs of their jerseys — and replace them with “Tradition,” “Spirit” or “Honor” — after players universally panned the idea.

“You know how you might get your wife something for your anniversary, and you think you’ve done a great job and you can’t wait for her to open it, then you get that look like, ‘that wasn’t such a good choice’?” Mendenhall told Salt Lake City’s Deseret News. “That was kind of the way I was feeling at that point.”

Wildcat strike

New Hampshire Fisher Cats pitcher Alan Farina — trying to walk a New Britain Rock Cat with runners at second and third in a 5-5 game — instead threw ball four to the backstop, allowing the game-ending run to score.

What, you’d never heard of an intentional walkoff before?

Talking the talk

• Bartt Davis of the Las Vegas Review-Journal, after 6-year-old Spencer Conn of Grayson, Ga., hit five home runs on consecutive pitches over two games: “No word on whether Conn has been tested for enhanced levels of Flintstones vitamins.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the hapless Astros’ AL-worst 89 errors: “Their only web gems this year came on Bring Your Glove Night.”

• Headline at “Kirk Cousins insists RG3 is ready to take full-speed hits to his knees.”

• TNT’s Conan O’Brien, on the NFL ordering game officials to crack down on excessive celebrations: “Players are being told not to show off too much after a touchdown, a sack or a murder.”

Flush with pride

Nov. 19, in case you hadn’t heard, has been declared World Toilet Day.

In keeping with the theme, any college football teams still winless by then receives an automatic bowl bid.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports. | 206-464-8250


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