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Originally published August 11, 2013 at 7:02 PM | Page modified August 16, 2013 at 3:55 PM

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Just what The Motor City needs: Another dressing-down

The Seattle Times

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What, Detroit hasn’t suffered enough already?

Now comes word that Complex.com’s rankings of the 25 worst-dressed athletes ever include five ex-Motor City players: Dennis Rodman (third), Johnny Damon (15th), Rasheed Wallace (22nd), David Wells (23rd) and Allen Iverson (25th).

Cristiano Ronaldo and Jose Canseco finished 1-2.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “NFL to curtail excessive celebrations / Browns say it’s the one rule they hope to have the chance to break.”

• At CBSsports.com: “Te’o largely invisible in NFL debut.”

Birthday bashing

Hulk Hogan, in case you missed it, turned 60 on Sunday.

His birthday wish? To unify the WWE, TNA and AARP belts.

Going green

“Ducks Unlimited” is the official name of:

a) a wetlands and waterfowl conservation group.

b) the University of Oregon football budget.

Happy anniversary

“It’s a big time for 25th anniversaries,” noted Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. “The Gretzky trade. The disqualification of Ben Johnson in Seoul. Night games at Wrigley Field. And also Doppler Radar.”

Pick 6 Dept.

Mike Tice had trouble lining up six winning horses:

a) At Del Mar Racetrack last week.

b) When he coached the Bears’ offensive line.

5-hole? No, the 17th

Marty Nanne, a scout for the Minnesota Wild, recently scored his first hole-in-one.

Incredulous witnesses say they’d never seen a 128-yard slap shot before.

Paging Samuel Morse

Redskins coach Mike Shanahan remains a holdout when it comes to using Twitter or email, but he still gets his message out.

“Sources say Shanahan plans to send a telegram to each of his players this month,” reported Brad Rock of the Deseret News, “warning against overexposure to the sun, which could cause the vapors.”

Quote marks

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Hurricanes having second thoughts about naming their baseball stadium in honor of Alex Rodriguez: “This is a new low — you’re told you’re too corrupt for the University of Miami.”

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, on former Tiger Magglio Ordoñez running for mayor of Puerto La Cruz, Venezuela, on the Socialist Party ticket: “So we played him out of position in right?”

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel’s whirlwind offseason: “In one year he’s gone from Johnny Football to Johnny Walker to Johnny Hancock.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on the Florida High School Athletic Association calling for steroid testing of its athletes: “I’ll miss prep baseball.”

Throwback player

“I love dinosaurs,” new Bears tight end Martellus Bennett told WBBM-TV. “I still do believe that they exist.”

Sounds like he’s already met Mike Ditka.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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