His fantasy owners will approve of this plan
The Seattle Times
Ground Chuck, meet Ground Upchuck.
The Buffalo Bills’ running game — a staple under coach Chuck Knox in the early 1980s — is aiming to take it up another notch this season with shifty halfback C.J. Spiller getting a heavy workload.
“It’s real simple,” offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett told WGR Radio. “We’re going to give him the ball until he throws up. So he’s either got to tap out or throw up on the field — let’s just put it that way.”
Packing his brain
Vikings receiver Greg Jennings told KFAN-GM Radio that the Packers “brainwashed me” into thinking their NFC Central rivals were inferior during his stint in Green Bay.
Coincidence? Jennings is still testing positive for Cheese Whiz.
Big Apple headlines
• At Fark.com: “Sanchez says he’s earned the right to run into linemen’s butts and fall over.”
• At eTruSports.com: “Putin to offer A-Rod asylum.”
Pass the maple bats
Atlanta’s Turner Field opened a Waffle House restaurant — and the Braves immediately reeled off a 13-game win streak.
Batter up, indeed.
Thursday marked the 50th anniversary of the $7 million heist in Britain known as The Great Train Robbery.
Or to put the loot in perspective, about one-thirteenth of what the Yankees still owe Alex Rodriguez.
No bench for LeBron
Heat superstar LeBron James got summoned for jury duty in his hometown of Akron, Ohio, but didn’t get seated on a jury.
Apparently the lawyers refused to risk the extra hour’s wait to get the decision.
• Jaguars RB Maurice Jones-Drew, a Pro Bowler despite being taken 60th in the 2006 draft, firing back at his critics: “Half the guys drafted in front of me are working at Target right now.”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Eagles receiver Riley Cooper’s racist utterance: “Living proof that Marge Schott and John Rocker once had a romantic fling.”
• Retired Braves third baseman Chipper Jones, in his 1,721st and final tweet, telling his 333,529 followers why he’s giving up the social medium: “Too much hate and too many trolls.”
Red Sox catcher Ryan Lavarnway tied the big-league record with four passed balls in one inning trying to corral Steven Wright’s fluttering knuckleballs.
Lavarnway’s nickname, needless to say, is not the Sultan of Squat.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
email@example.com | 206-464-8250