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Originally published July 23, 2013 at 6:28 PM | Page modified July 23, 2013 at 8:44 PM

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This didn’t take a lot of detective work

The Seattle Times

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Cue the “Dragnet” theme song: dumb-de-dumb-dumb.

Police had no problem fingering West Virginia (make that ex-West Virginia) defensive lineman Korey Harris for his part in a July 12 armed robbery in Morgantown. Seems he was wearing his team-issued sweatpants — complete with his number 96 — when the crime was committed.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Yankees’ players: We will support A-Roid once his punishment for using PEDs is complete. A-Rod: Uh guys, I haven’t said I used ... Guys?”

• At SportsPickle.com: “Nike debuts new ‘I am the field’ golf commercial.”

Giant mess

Flocks of swooping seagulls — or more precisely, their droppings — have become a nuisance during San Francisco Giants games.

Bet they’d pack the place on Umbrella Night.

Scratch that

Probably not on the Brewers’ promotional docket this season: Brawny Crying-Towel Night.

Blue-chip newborn

A woman from Rural Valley, Pa., gave birth to a 13-pound, 12-ounce baby that measured 25 inches long.

In a related story, Nick Saban just got his first oral commit for Bama’s recruiting class of 2031.

Positive spin

“A former NFL player was arrested for leaving a toddler in his car while he went to a strip club,” noted TNT’s Conan O’Brien. “But today the NFL commissioner said, ‘I prefer to think of this as the story of a player who still has custody of his child and didn’t murder anyone.’ “

Four quoters’ worth

• Danny Knobler of CBSsports.com, via Twitter, on the Lance Armstrong of baseball: “ ‘At the end of the day, the truth prevailed,’ Ryan Braun once said. He was right. He just had the wrong day.”

• Mike Hart of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, on Braun’s deceit: “He beat Pinocchio by a nose.”

• NBC’s Jay Leno, after Los Angeles produced one of the lowest crime rates of any major U.S. city: “You know why? We don’t have an NFL team.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on reports that Michael Jordan is having his vasectomy reversed at the urging of his new wife: “He reportedly told the doctor, ‘Just Un-Do It.’ ”

Freeze frames

The Miami Marlins went 371 / 3 innings without scoring — baseball’s longest drought in 28 years — before beating Colorado 3-1 on Monday night.

Talk about cold: Marlins hitters now refer to their bats as frozen Fish sticks.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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