Won’t wash your car until Mariners win World Series?
Blackhawks fan gets the city to mow his lawn.
The Seattle Times
So much for that playoff beard.
Chicago Blackhawks fan Frank Miller of Park Ridge, Ill. — caught up in the Stanley Cup spirit — put up a sign in his front yard reading “Playoff lawn. Won’t cut until Hawks win Cup!”
But neighbors complained when his turf got long and scraggly, and the city sent someone out to mow it.
The Mariners’ 31st-round draft pick: lefty pitcher Michaelangelo Guzman.
Giddy scouts say Michaelangelo is good at painting the corners and has a really high ceiling.
Who says there aren’t any dynasties in sports anymore?
Paul “Predatoe” Beech captured his seventh title at the 35th World Toe Wrestling Championship in Fenny Bentley, England.
The women’s winner was first-time champ Lisa “Twinkletoes” Shenton.
Some 11,000 online voters at the dating website CougarLife.com have bestowed Mets third baseman David Wright with the title of:
a) MLB’s Hottest Cub
b) Mr. Wright
Disorder in the court
Diva receiver Chad Johnson was sentenced to 30 days in jail for slapping his lawyer on the butt in court.
Pigskin pundits immediately declared it the mother of all excessive-celebration penalties.
Bad News Cards
Who needs a Mickey Mantle rookie card when you can have one of Amanda Whurlitzer’s?
Amanda — the girl pitcher portrayed by Tatum O’Neal — and five other members of “The Bad News Bears” Little League team are getting their own baseball cards, 37 years after the movie came out.
• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on the celebrated pairing of Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy and Adam Scott for the first two rounds of the U.S. Open: “Guys in all the other groups could play in their underwear and drink tequila on the greens for all anyone would notice.”
• CBS’s David Letterman, with one of the 10 least-known facts about Superman: “Owes super strength to anti-aging clinic in Miami.”
• Headline at TheOnion.com: “Nation wondering what telegenic, eloquent Grant Hill will do for money after retirement.”
• Raiders linebacker Sio Moore, to the Contra Costa Times, on why he wore SpongeBob SquarePants pajamas to a news conference: “I like pajamas.”
Golden Gloves Dept.
The Dodgers and Diamondbacks will make baseball history when they open the 2014 baseball season in:
a) Sydney, Australia
b) WrestleMania XXX
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
firstname.lastname@example.org | 206-464-8250