In the news:
Don't mess with MMA fans, you lowly criminals of the world
Attention, carjackers: It's best to steer clear of mixed martial arts fans. A would-be auto rustler in Sacramento, Calif., got quite a surprise...
The Seattle Times
Attention, carjackers: It's best to steer clear of mixed martial arts fans.
A would-be auto rustler in Sacramento, Calif., got quite a surprise when Abel Simmons — accosted in his driveway after returning home from watching UFC 160 — employed a tactic he'd seen at the matches.
"I had him in a guillotine choke," Simmons told KXTV-TV. "And he wasn't getting out of that. I had that locked in pretty tight.
"I just held him in place and said, 'Well, guess you are going to jail tonight, buddy.' "
• At SportsPickle.com: "Everyone totally fine with the IRS auditing the New England Patriots."
• At TheOnion.com: "Tecmo Bowl-winning Bulldogs visit White House."
They call him Flopper
The NBA fined the Heat's LeBron James and the Pacers' David West and Lance Stephenson $5,000 apiece for diving in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference finals.
Or as the league's discipline police prefer to call it, a three-flop night.
Royals manager Ned Yost is apparently stumped for motivational ideas.
"What are you asking me to do?" he grilled reporters after K.C. lost its 10th straight home game — and 18th of 22 overall. "Take my belt off and spank them? Yell at them? Scream at them? What do you want?"
Talking the talk
• Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee, at a Dec. 5 meeting of the OSU Athletics Council, on critics who point out the Big Ten has 14 teams: "You tell the SEC when they can learn to read and write, then they can figure out what we're doing."
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after a Russian club team took up a crude form of American football: "Team leaders took time out to say they don't want Tim Tebow, either."
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Broncos QB Peyton Manning shot a 77 at Augusta National: "Though Tom Brady phoned in claiming he took an illegal drop."
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Keyshawn Johnson complained about neighbor Justin Bieber's speeding: "When your behavior offends an ex-NFL receiver, it is time to clean up your act."
Stop the insanity
The NCAA says a University of Portland women's golfer must repay the school $20 — the value of the water and a hose — for washing her car on campus because it constituted an improper benefit, Yahoo! Sports reported.
Didn't see that water hazard coming.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org