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Originally published Sunday, May 26, 2013 at 6:45 PM

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Who needs rally monkey when you've got rally mustache? | Sideline chatter

Talk about putting himself in a shave situation. Washington Nationals manager Davey Johnson says his razor is on the DL until his run-challenged...

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Talk about putting himself in a shave situation.

Washington Nationals manager Davey Johnson says his razor is on the DL until his run-challenged team starts hitting again.

"I figured I couldn't get any uglier, so what the heck," Johnson told the Washington Times. "Hopefully I can shave soon. I've never had a rally goatee. I'm not hairy enough to get one. ... You can't change the shape of a watermelon anyway."

Yankee Dollar Dept.

Sidelined Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez sold his Miami home for $30 million — and turned a $15 million profit.

Alas, it's his only double of the season.

Fit for print

"A Department of Education survey said more and more schools are cutting gym classes to meet the new math and science class requirements," noted comedian Argus Hamilton. "From now on, whenever America's kids get fat and fall down, at least they will know the science behind it."

Wheel trouble

Jim Harbaugh, the fiery 49ers coach, drove the Corvette pace car for Sunday's Indianapolis 500.

There's only one way to top that next year: dueling pace cars with brother John.

Beyond the SI jinx

Washington Nationals players had some T-shirts made up featuring a photo of pitching coach Steve McCatty — the one from McCatty's long-ago appearance in Playgirl magazine.

The kangaroo-court fine is $50, we assume, if you're caught looking.

Brain drain

According to researchers at three European universities, the collective IQs of citizens in Western nations declined 14.1 points from 1889 to 2004.

And you thought Mariner hitters have been in a long slump?

Talking the talk

• Ex-Broncos center Tom Nalen, to AP, on being inducted into the team's Ring of Fame on Sept. 29: "At halftime, I'm hoping there won't be 76,000 fans. Hopefully, they'll be getting a beer when I'm speaking for 12 seconds or so."

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, on Sunday's Indy 500/Coca-Cola 600 doubleheader: "If you watch only 1,100 miles of racing this year, today's your day."

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after the NCAA banned the painting of Twitter hashtags on football fields: "This means Auburn has to get rid of its #WhoWantsToBeAMillionaire logo."

High-caliber hose

NFL receiver Plaxico Burress is out with a new line of designer socks, selling for $24 or $29 a pair.

The $29 version, we assume, features a side pocket to holster your loaded pistol.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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