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Originally published May 14, 2013 at 6:32 PM | Page modified May 14, 2013 at 6:34 PM

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Call in the replacement refs ... for MLB

Apparently umpiring's not as easy as 1, 2, 3. MLB arbiters incorrectly ruled a home-run ball a two-bagger despite instant replay, allowed...

The Seattle Times

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Apparently umpiring's not as easy as 1, 2, 3.

MLB arbiters incorrectly ruled a home-run ball a two-bagger despite instant replay, allowed an illegal pitching change and awarded a batter first base on ball three — all in the same week.

"They can't see, they can't read and they can't count," summed up blogger Chad Picasner. "A triple threat."

Three and out

Speaking of triple threats, former Lions receiver Titus Young was arrested for the third time in a week — on charges of DUI, burglary and resisting arrest.

Remember when that term in football merely referred to running, passing and kicking?

Headlines

• At Fark.com: "Move your crap out of your parents' house or they will sell it. This includes YOU, Kobe Bryant."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Sergio Garcia claims giant lake distracted him."

Lobe story

Why did toymakers scrap plans for a Mike Tyson vegetarian action figure?

It wouldn't stop biting Mr. Potato Head's cauliflower ears.

Paging Dr. Phil

"Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia bicker so much," noted Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, "are we sure they didn't used to be married to each other?"

Yankee quipper

Say it ain't so, Mick.

As reader P.B. wrote to ThatsSports.com, after reports that a Mickey Mantle bat in a sports-memorabilia auction might have been corked: "Tell me that Bill Gates uses coupons at Walmart."

Talking the talk

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the hapless Astros switching from the NL to the AL this season: "That's like transferring Charles Manson from San Quentin to Rikers Island — no matter the color of his prison garb, you still know he's bad news."

• CBS's David Letterman, on the cicadas ending their 17-year underground stay to infest New York: "They saw Yankee Stadium and the first thing they said was, 'Wow, Mariano Rivera is still pitching!' "

• Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register, after hard-nosed Mike Keenan was hired to coach Russia's Mettalurg Magnitogorsk hockey team: "And they thought Putin was a tough guy."

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, after the Chiefs awarded backup QB Chase Daniel a $10 million contract: "And the NFL says that it is opposed to gambling?"

Paging Dale Chihuly

Architects in Minneapolis released designs for the city's new NFL stadium — and it looks like a glass Viking longboat.

Rival Green Bay, not to be upstaged, immediately broke ground for a crystal meatpacking plant.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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