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Originally published Thursday, April 11, 2013 at 6:20 PM

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Arnold Palmer demonstrates the proper way to order himself

So, how does Arnold Palmer order an Arnold Palmer? Kelsey, a waitress in Augusta, Ga., can answer that, telling the Newark (N. J.) Star-Ledger Star-Ledger: "He leaned...

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So, how does Arnold Palmer order an Arnold Palmer?

Kelsey, a waitress in Augusta, Ga., can answer that, telling the Newark (N.J.) Star-Ledger: "He leaned over and said, 'I'll have a Mr. Palmer.' Then he winked."

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "United States asks North Korea to let all possible baseball prospects leave before starting a war."

• At TheOnion.com: "WrestleMania 29 marred by inconsistent officiating."

False advertising

The grass isn't always bluer on the other side, Seattle product Terrence Williams learned when Rick Pitino recruited him to Louisville.

"I wanted to get away from home and go as far (away) as possible," the Celtics swingman told Boston's WBZ Radio. "And they told me it was the Bluegrass State, so I actually wanted to see if there was blue grass ... there was no blue grass."

Time for Plan B

You blew your chance, Dennis Rodman.

"May I suggest we send the fired Rutgers basketball coach to deal with North Korea?" suggested comedy writer Tim Hunter. "Just sayin'."

Good question

"If winning took care of everything," pointed out ESPN.com's Rick Reilly in reference to the Tiger Woods Nike ad, "why is the winning prison softball team still in prison?"

Bring bling

"Last week people broke into the home of Miami Heat star Chris Bosh and stole $479,000 worth of jewelry while he was at his birthday party," noted NBC's Jimmy Fallon. "Though on the plus side, now his friends know what to get him next year."

Candyland

"If basketball players were confections," mused RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, "Amar'e Stoudemire would be brittle."

Talking the talk

• Marc Topkin of the Tampa Bay Times, invoking Chuck Barris after the Rays installed a ballpark gong: "The possibilities would seem endless. Play ball? Home runs? Victories? Bad anthem renditions?"

• NBC's Jimmy Fallon, on the baseball card that sold for $2 million: "Turns out that it's an A-Rod card that actually shows him playing."

• Times reader Charlie Gay: "So THAT'S why Rutgers won the NCAA dodgeball championship."

• CBS's David Letterman, after a survey pegged the cost of a family outing to Yankee Stadium at $365: "It's getting so that an American family of four no longer can afford to scream obscenities at the Red Sox."

Must've gotten his goat

An apparently disgruntled Cubs fan sent a goat's head to Wrigley Field addressed to Cubs owner Tom Ricketts.

This probably wouldn't have happened, pundits say, if Ricketts owned the Memphis Grizzlies.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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