In the news:
Now that's almost beyond imagination
So what's next, Seattle Mariners World Series Night? The independent-league Florence (Ky.) Freedom will stage Manti Te'o Fake Girlfriend...
The Seattle Times
So what's next, Seattle Mariners World Series Night?
The independent-league Florence (Ky.) Freedom will stage Manti Te'o Fake Girlfriend Bobblehead Night on May 23, with the first 1,000 fans receiving a commemorative box with nothing inside it.
Not to be outdone, the Class A Brooklyn Cyclones will hold Fictitious Friday on June 21, with Sidd Finch's pro debut against Roy Hobbs and the New York Knights.
"Prior to the game, the Beatles will reunite for a once-in-a-lifetime concert event," Cyclones spokesman Jason Solomon said in a team release. "OK, that's apparently not true either, but this girl I met online told me she could make it happen."
• At SportsPickle.com: "Lance Armstrong sues Lance Armstrong for saying Lance Armstrong did steroids."
• At TheOnion.com: "Seven lucky Oprah guests find Tour de France titles under their chairs."
Stat of the week
Coincidence? Lance and Te'o's girlfriend suddenly boast the same number of Tour de France titles.
The working title of the film about Joe Paterno starring Al Pacino as the late Penn State football coach is tentatively titled:
a) "Happy Valley"
b) "The Nittany Lion King"
c) "You Don't Know Jack — or Jerry"
In your dreams, pal
Among the top 10 signs you have an imaginary girlfriend, from CBS's David Letterman:
• " 'Photo' of girlfriend looks suspiciously like Sun-Maid raisin lady.
• "Have a patent pending for a machine that gives you a hickey.
• "Your imaginary friend is dating her sister.
• "Said she's too shy to meet your friends, your family, and you."
• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, with his predictions for this weekend's action: "Patriots over Ravens by just 2, Falcons over 49ers by 6, 'Starsky and Hutch' reruns over inaugural game of the NHL season by 200,000 viewers."
• Fiery manager Earl Weaver, who died Saturday at 82, in a 1986 interview: "On my tombstone just write, 'The sorest loser that ever lived.' "
• Ravens defensive coordinator Dean Pees, to reporters, on the best way to slow Patriots QB Tom Brady: "Hire Tonya Harding."
• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after Kobe Bryant was named an NBA All-Star for a record 15th straight year: "He said he wanted to thank his teammates but couldn't remember any of their names."
Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel got ticketed for speeding near Ennis, Texas.
Or as Texas A&M spinmeisters prefer to call it, running a go-route toward Dallas.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org