In the news:
Forget the Stanley Cup, he's got the Stani-Can
Who needs the Cup when you can buy the bowl? A hardcore Toronto hockey fan — whose team hasn't won an NHL title since 1967 ...
The Seattle Times
Who needs the Cup when you can buy the bowl?
A hardcore Toronto hockey fan — whose team hasn't won an NHL title since 1967 — plunked down $3,500 to buy a toilet from the team's old locker room at Maple Leafs Garden.
"It's not every day you get something that has had an intimate relationship with every bum who has played for the Maple Leafs over the years," wrote Ken Campbell in The Hockey News. "And Lord knows, there have been plenty of them."
• From SportsPickle.com: "Roger Goodell overturns Paul Tagliabue's ruling."
• From TheOnion.com: "NHL cancels all games through end of millennium."
Chad McLean broke a Guinness record by bowling nine strikes in one minute at AMF Alley Katz in Gainesville, Fla., on Monday.
Apparently without a moment to spare: He rolled 14 balls to do it.
A Texas schoolboy was sent home for having the likeness of Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M's Heisman Trophy QB, shaved into his hair.
"My question: Where do kids find barbers capable of cutting these images of athletes?" wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. "I'm lucky if my sideburns are even."
58-0? Don't despair
Spotted on the readerboard at West Greenway Bible Church in Glendale, Ariz.: "No one is beyond God's help, not even the Cardinals. Luke 18:27."
"Last night on Twitter, Donald Trump mistakenly called New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick 'Bob Belichick,' " noted NBC's Jimmy Fallon. "Then he said, 'I apologize to the entire Patriots organization, and their quarterback, Jan Brady.' "
• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the Lakers' struggles: "It's taking some time for the guy who runs the team to learn the names of the players. But enough about Kobe."
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on India getting kicked out of the Olympics: "To make matters worse, Tech Support will no longer be an exhibition sport."
• NBC's Jay Leno, saying Manny Pacquiao getting knocked out was no big deal: "Passing out face-first in Vegas — who hasn't done that, really?"
• Vikings receiver Michael Jenkins, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on his team's 6-1 record at home and 1-5 on the road: "Maybe we should take the Metrodome sign and move it to other teams' stadiums."
Shut up, Chuck
Heat star LeBron James, tired of hearing criticism of teammate Dwyane Wade, told USA Today that "Charles Barkley needs to shut up."
That's what you call taking it to the pie hole.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org