Gentlemen, start your calculators.

Hardin-Simmons and Sul Ross State combined to ring up an NCAA-record 1,714 yards in HSU's 86-42 Division III football victory on Saturday.

"I have never seen anything like it," winning coach Jesse Burleson, whose team racked up a record 914 yards, told the hometown Abilene (Texas) Reporter-News. "It was like a video game."

Even more amazing, Sul Ross State had 800 despite playing without injured running back Dominique Carson. He's the national leader in all-purpose yardage.

News flash

Dateline Oklahoma City: Thunder trades James Harden to Rockets for two players, draft picks and a beard to be named later.

Leg 1, Meg 0

"So who saw this coming?" wrote Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. "Legatron (St. Louis kicker Greg Zuerlein) is having a better year than Megatron (Detroit receiver Calvin Johnson)."

0 for 50

"I rechecked the preseason predictions of ESPN's panel of 50 'baseball experts,' " wrote Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, "and here is how many of them predicted a Tigers-Giants World Series: Zero. Proving again that TV — neither watching it nor appearing on it — makes you smarter."

A different time

"It took 3:30 to play Game 1 of the World Series, an 8 ½-inning game," noted Phil Mushnick of the New York Post. "Game 7 of the Yankees-Pirates in the 1960 Series, won 10-9 by the Bucs on Bill Mazeroski's ninth-inning homer — a 19-run, 24-hit, five-walk, nine-pitcher game — was played in 2:30."

Talking the talk

• Blogger RJ Currie, after Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said his struggling squad has Super Bowl mettle: "That's an even bigger stretch than his last facelift."

• Blogger TC Chong, after Nike dumped Lance Armstrong: "Apparently, they did not like his slogan — 'Just Deny It.' "

• Comedian Costaki Economopoulos, on Jets QB Tim Tebow trademarking the term "Tebowing": "He also tried to trademark 'incomplete pass,' but JaMarcus Russell beat him to it."

Halloween rush

Hear about the kid who's going trick-or-treating dressed as Jared Allen?

He plans to come home with 3 ½ sacks.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com