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Originally published Sunday, October 21, 2012 at 6:38 PM

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So there really is a get out jail free card

Think they'd ever find a local jury that would convict him? A bearded, baseball-loving bandit robbed a First Bank branch in Arnold, Mo. — about 20 miles south...

The Seattle Times

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Think they'd ever find a local jury that would convict him?

A bearded, baseball-loving bandit robbed a First Bank branch in Arnold, Mo. — about 20 miles south of Busch Stadium — on Friday. And before heading out the door with his ill-gotten loot, he had the presence to yell, "Go, Cards!"

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: "Fullback disappointed to learn he didn't get lead blocker in upcoming play."

• At SportsPickle.com: "France disbands after achieving destruction of Lance Armstrong."

Some rock

Astronomers say they've discovered a planet twice as big as Earth in the constellation of Cancer — comprised largely of diamond — that's called "55 Cancri e."

Except in NBA circles, where it's known as Kobe Bryant's next makeup gift.

Nip & Tuck Dept.

"Owner Jerry Jones says he believes the Cowboys can win the Super Bowl this year," noted RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. "That's an even bigger stretch than his last face-lift."

Illegal use of bands?

A referee penalized a Dallas-area middle school football team because its band was playing too loudly.

"So," responded Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, "now the sport has a concussion problem and a percussion problem?"

Another o-fer

"Hitting abysmally and being benched in the ALCS didn't stop the Yankees' Alex Rodriguez from reportedly trying to pick up a woman during a game by inviting her to write her number on a baseball and toss it back," wrote Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. "Cannot confirm the woman wrote, 'Sorry. You just struck out again.' "

Talking the talk

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, after residents cheered the Space Shuttle Endeavour as police cruisers escorted it on a slow parade through Los Angeles: "Everybody assumed that O.J. Simpson had escaped from Las Vegas."

• Jets assistant coach Mike Westhoff, to Fox, on his former Miami boss' emphasis on Westhoff's specialty: "Coaching special teams for Jimmy Johnson is like running a dating service for Victoria's Secret. It's the easiest job in town."

• NBC football analyst Cris Collinsworth, paying tribute to his father who had died the day before: "(He) was the principal of my high school, and I used to tell him I loved reading about him on the bathroom walls. ... He'd get a kick out of it."

Charges won't stick

The NFL is investigating whether San Diego receivers used an illegal sticky substance on their hands against the Broncos, but proving it might be difficult.

Heck, the Chargers couldn't even hang on to a 24-0 halftime lead.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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