He's kidding, right?

Ex-Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, 84, says his dying wish will be to have the team's home schedule attached to his tombstone.

"I want people who are in the cemetery visiting their loved ones to say, 'Let's go to Lasorda's grave and see if the Dodgers are playing home or away,' " he told the L.A. Times. "Hey, I love this organization so much I want to be working for it even after I'm dead."

Sole-searching

Among the questions to ask yourself before plunking down $300 for a pair of sneakers, from CBS's David Letterman:

• "Are laces included?

• "May I put one shoe on layaway?

• "Will these make me 'LeBron' or 'LeBroke'?"

Winning for losing

How's this for irony? Thanks to WADA yanking Lance Armstrong's seven Tour de France titles, donations to his Livestrong cancer foundation get a shot in the arm.

Losing for winning

Finland's Ere Karjalainen threw a cellphone 332 feet to capture the 13th annual world championships in Savonlinna, Finland.

On the down side, he incurred a long-distance charge.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: "Lance Armstrong lets down single person who still believed him."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Bartolo Colon reportedly took steroids as a pizza topping."

Marketing 101

With David Fales at quarterback for San Jose State, when do we see the first "Pass-Fales" T-shirt?

Red-carded

Humboldt State suspended its men's soccer program for the 2012 season after hazing of new players took place at an off-campus party.

Futbol pundits are calling it the mother of all penalty kicks.

Senior discounting

Hear about the new sabermetric stat designed especially for 50-year-old Roger Clemens?

It's some weird combination of WHIP, ERA and AARP.

Talko time

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after the Nashville Predators signed defenseman Shea Weber to a 14-year contract: "With global warming, we may not even have ice in 14 years."

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, congratulating Britain on its first men's Olympic basketball victory since 1948: "The opponent? I believe it was Kantdunkistan."

• Ex-big-leaguer Bill "Spaceman" Lee, to the San Francisco Chronicle, still pitching at age 65: "I get invited to play, and I play. So far I haven't embarrassed myself. But it's early."

Costly tumble

One of gymnast Aly Raisman's Olympic gold medals got a dent in it when she dropped it, Yahoo! Sports reported.

Alas, it didn't stick the landing.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com