You won't hear Zack Golditch complaining about two-a-days in the August heat.

The senior tackle at Gateway High in Aurora, Colo., sports two large bandages on his neck — courtesy of the gunman who opened fire in a local movie theater July 20, killing 12 and wounding 58.

"I'm blessed," the Colorado State recruit told The Denver Post. "It just went clean in and out, no shrapnel, just clean it out, no stitches because of the risk of infection. It's just a really deep cut is how I took it.

"Did I save someone's life because it hit me? I'm taller, and I might have saved someone. I'm not complaining about it. I'm glad it kind of happened to me and not someone else."

Hit and run

A thief broke a pane of glass and made off with 16 Ichiro jerseys from the Mariner Team Store at Safeco Field early Wednesday morning.

Well, at least we know it wasn't Jamie Moyer.

Dignity strikes out

Nearly the entire Red Sox squad made it to pitcher Josh Beckett's annual Beckett Bowl and country music show Monday night, the Boston Herald reported, but only four of 25 players were spotted at funeral services for Sox icon Johnny Pesky earlier that day.

Somehow fitting: That computes to an embarrassing .160 batting average.

Too much heat

Oakland A's pitcher Bartolo Colon has been hit with a 50-game suspension for using performance-enhancing drugs.

Umpires figured something was amiss when his catchers started using an asbestos mitt.

Quoth the mavens

• Blackpool soccer manager Ian Holloway, to the London Daily Mail, on DJ Campbell's roster odds: "There's about as much chance of re-signing DJ Campbell as there is of me wearing high heels and calling myself Sheila."

• Greg Frazier of the Palo Alto (Calif.) Daily News, on a national helium shortage jeopardizing Nebraska football's traditional release of 5,000 balloons: "Mike Tyson has offered his personal supply."

• Charles Barkley, to The Dan Patrick Show, on whether the 2012 Olympians could beat his 1992 Dream Teamers: "C'mon, they struggled with the Gasol brothers."

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Nebraska State Fair trying to line up 800 tractors to set a record for tractor parades: "It'll look like the parking lot before a Texas Tech home football game."

Before Bartman

A Roman lead scroll from the year 3 A.D. — unearthed in England three years ago — has a curse written on it, researchers now say.

Talk about prescient: It mentions 25 cubs and a goat.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com