Stroke play? No kidding.

Keith Stephens, who regularly joins other Calgary-area stroke survivors for a round of golf on the par-3 course at McCall Lake, recorded a hole-in-one on the third hole there this month, CTV News reported.

Not impressed? Stephens did it — he had to do it — one-handed.

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "Rob Gronkowski announces he's playing shirtless this season."

• At TheOnion.com: "Replacement referee swallows 15th whistle."

Man 1, Horse 0

Jerek Deter is a Thoroughbred that races at Saratoga, but don't try drawing any comparisons to the Yankee shortstop.

Jeter has a .314 lifetime batting average, $220 million in career earnings and dates starlets.

Deter has a .200 winning percentage, $46,860 in career winnings and is a gelding.

Hargrove of golf

Sergio Garcia claimed his first PGA Tour victory in four years Monday in Greensboro, N.C., an event delayed 24 hours by:

a) Rain

b) Sergio returning to his old pre-putt machinations again.

History quiz

The phrase "It's not the crime, it's the coverup" was made famous when the facts came to light regarding:

a) Watergate

b) Penn State

c) Melky Cabrera

On Thin Ice Dept.

"The NHL seems at serious risk of a cancelled season because of labor strife," noted Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. "Dear hockey: Most of America barely likes you as is. Don't press your luck."

Goes without saying

Here's one thing you'll never hear an NFL coach say: "I'd like to see a little more conviction out of my players."

Quote marks

• Hungarian water-polo player Zoltan Szecsi, to the Olympic News Service, on why he was chosen for drug testing: "They simply cannot believe that such a great body can be built without any banned stuff."

• Golf analyst Gary McCord, after alligators ate a couple of CBS's tee-box microphones during the PGA Championship in Kiawah Island, S.C.: "It's one of their food groups."

• Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, after the Pirates beat the Cardinals in 19 innings: "Let's play two-plus."

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on reports that Red Sox players went to ownership trying to get manager Bobby Valentine fired: "So this is where Dwight Howard's been for the last four months — in Boston?"

Yankee Sipper

Yankee pitcher Michael Pineda got busted for DUI in Tampa, Fla., early Monday morning.

So low long before some wiseacre bar in Boston starts serving Pineda Coladas?

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com