Turns out he didn't touch 'em all.

Helena (Mont.) Brewers Raul Mondesi Jr., son of the former Dodger, had a tying two-run homer wiped out in the bottom of the 10th inning because he missed home plate at the end of his home-run trot. Missoula catcher Michael Perez alertly appealed the play, and Mondesi was called out.

So instead of a 2-2 tie, Helena became a 2-1 loser as Mondesi's two-out blast was reduced to an RBI triple.

"It's a terrible way to lose a ballgame, but the guys learned a good lesson," Brewers manager Jeff Isom told the Helena Independent Record. "From now on, make sure you jump on the plate on a homer."

Gutting it out

At the World Burping Championships in New York, the winning belch was 18.1 seconds.

Or as one local alertly noted, longer than the Knicks usually last on defense.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: "David Ortiz two hours late getting back to first after pitcher throws over."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Vanilla Ice's son forced to walk on at UCLA."

Pass the pork

"The Bowl Championship Series — a.k.a. 'That bogus piece of garbage that has been posing as college football's so-called national championship' — has at long last been rendered obsolete," wrote Bryan Burwell of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. "At long, lonnnnnnng last, someone finally took the BCS out back, wiped the lipstick off its lips, recognized it for the butt-ugly pig that it is and humanely slaughtered it."

We'll take that as an aye vote.

Talking the talk

• TNT's Charles Barkley, explaining all the anti-LeBron James sentiment: "Everybody hates the homecoming queen because she's pretty. All the ugly girls hate the homecoming queen. And all the dumb kids hate the smart kids. That's just the way it is."

• English track coach Charles van Commenee, not worried about teen sprinter Adam Gemili competing in the Olympics: "It's not like I am sending my 12-year-old niece to fight al-Qaida."

• Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, when asked if he's ever seen a pitcher throw as fast as the Reds' Aroldis Chapman: "Sidd Finch."

• CBS's David Letterman, on the 28-mile swim competition around Manhattan Island: "The winner gets a trophy and hepatitis."

Show of hands

Researchers at the University of Tokyo have developed a robot with a special built-in sensor that renders it incapable of losing at Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Unless, of course, the Pacquiao judges are scoring it.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com