Eat your heart out, Adam Sandler.

Warren Buffett was a real-life NFL water boy — as an eighth-grader back in 1943 — long before he became a billionaire.

"My older sister, Doris, dated Dudley (DeGroot) Jr., whose father was the coach of the Redskins," Buffett told the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. "I made a pest of myself. Finally, Dudley Jr. arranged for me to be a water boy. I parlayed this younger-brother-pest situation into a stint as a water boy. I got onto the bench. I got to see Sammy Baugh in the locker room. It was great. Then my sister broke up with Dudley Jr.

"I was cut immediately."

Nautical but nice

British kayaker Ed McKeever's nickname is "Usain Bolt on Water."

Minus the starting blocks, of course.

Nobody's fantasy

Among the 25 signs that your fantasy baseball team sucks, from SportsPickle.com:

• "You aren't the person in your league who drafted Adam Dunn in the last round as a joke.

• "The only fat Tigers infielder you have is Jhonny Peralta.

• "You've already emailed everyone in your league to see if they're up for a fantasy football league again this year."

Bieber 1, Mantle 0

Pitcher J.J. Putz lucked upon an autographed Justin Bieber trading card worth more than $4,000 when he and some D-backs teammates opened a couple cases of cards in the clubhouse.

Oh, for the days when a Mickey Mantle rookie card was baseball's gold standard.

Don't recycle

"Saturday was Madrid's annual Naked Bicycle Ride day," noted comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. "And Sunday was the annual Don't Buy a Used Bike in Madrid day."

We like his chances

"Floyd Mayweather Jr., jailed on a child-support rap, is in solitary because officials worry about his safety if integrated with other inmates," noted Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. "Really? Now Jerry Sandusky I might worry about, but Floyd I sort of think might be OK."

Talking the talk

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after Cowboys running back Lawrence Vickers was forced to leave practice when fire ants crawled inside his pants: "But first he demonstrated the best open-field moves since Gale Sayers."

• Tigers manager Jim Leyland, to the Detroit Free Press, on injured Alex Avila's DL rehab progress: "Alex is doing great, but he hasn't done anything but eat some Twinkies and watch 'Days of Our Lives,' I guess."

• Thunder coach Scott Brooks, to reporters, when asked if he worried about his players' behavior off the court in Miami during the NBA Finals: "What about the coaches?"

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, after Buckeyes coach Urban Meyer says he got clearance to participate in a high-school football camp: "If he's talking about the Ohio State compliance office, hopefully he got a second opinion."

Beep, beep

Destined to be the No. 1 bumper sticker in MLB player lots this season: "Honk if you haven't pitched a no-hitter."

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com