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Originally published Friday, March 16, 2012 at 9:58 PM

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Well, it will certainly make slap shots easier to stop

Scientists at Montreal's McGill University say just a few decades of increased global warming could threaten Canada's winter pastime of outdoor hockey.

The Seattle Times

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Water hockey, anyone?

Scientists at Montreal's McGill University say just a few decades of increased global warming — particularly in the Prairies, southeastern British Columbia and southern Ontario and Quebec — could threaten Canada's winter pastime of outdoor hockey.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: "MacGruder uses three hairs, a dog collar, and a tea kettle whistle to defeat Southern Miss. And 30 points."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Gus Johnson thrown out of sports bar for yelling at televisions."

Wallet's not hurtin'

Oft-injured center Greg Oden, because of all those knee surgeries, played the equivalent of just one NBA regular season — 82 games — spread over his five seasons in Portland.

But don't cry for his bank account: Sure, Oden averaged only 9.4 points per game — but it pencils out to $30,136 per point.

Eyes on the board, please

Short skirts and cleavage are out now that the European women's chess championship in Turkey has adopted a new dress code.

No word on whether that also applies to the queens.

Passing the Bucks

Thirteenth-seeded Ohio 65, Michigan 60?

Talk about giddy: Students in Athens are now calling themselves THE Ohio University.

Not a pretty picture

"The NBA fined Derrick Rose the same amount — $25,000 — for knocking the refs as it did J.R. Smith for tweeting a nude photo of one of his female friends," noted Phil Mushnick of the New York Post. "How much for tweeting nude photos of NBA refs?"

Or, as Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel described Smith's faux pas: "That's what I call Skin-sanity!"

Talko time

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after a local fifth-grader got in trouble for organizing an NCAA tournament pool with a $5 entry fee: "The kid has a better economic plan than anyone on our city council."

• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, on the Nets' Kris Humphries reportedly seeking a $7 million divorce settlement from Kim Kardashian: "That's pretty good money for 72 days' work."

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Tiger Woods had to withdraw from last weekend's tournament because of a sprained Achilles heel: "And here I thought Tiger's Achilles heel was Hooters waitresses."

• ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, on CBS raking in more than $600 million in ad revenue from the NCAA tournament: "Of that, the players receive — what's zero percent of $600 million?"

Drug sweeping

Yet another sport was rocked by scandal last week when Canada's Jim Armstrong was suspended 18 months for failing a drug test.

But enough about wheelchair curling.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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