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Originally published October 27, 2011 at 6:39 PM | Page modified October 27, 2011 at 6:55 PM

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Raiders, don't lose that number

Dave Rayner, an emergency one-game signee by the Raiders, kicked off to open Sunday's game against the Chiefs and was never needed to kick again, being as Oakland got skunked 28-0.

The Seattle Times

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Talk about kicking back and counting your cash.

Dave Rayner, an emergency one-game signee by the Raiders, kicked off to open Sunday's game against the Chiefs and was never needed to kick again, being as Oakland got skunked 28-0.

His pay for that one kick: $40,294.

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "Red Sox turn down Theo Epstein's trade offer of all the Red Sox for all the Cubs."

• At TheOnion.com: "John Madden agrees to work as consultant for Raiders concession stand."

And the ref is history

Tisha Conklin, clad in a skimpy referee's costume when police pulled her over for DUI in West Bloomfield, Mich., was on her way to:

a) attend a Halloween party.

b) streak at a football game.

Just Don't Do It

Oregon cornerback Cliff Harris, pulled over for driving 118 mph with a suspended license in June, got cited again this month, this time for suspended license and no insurance.

So what's next — parking-lot doughnuts in the shape of Nike swooshes?

Paging Pacman Jones

A Dallas strip-club manager says Eagles quarterback Vince Young punched him in the face because he wouldn't let Young put $8,000 in $1 bills on his credit card.

In other words, there was a zero-percent chance of rain.

Staging a sit-out

Judging by the latest NFL attendance figures, "Occupy Cincinnati" doesn't include the Bengals' stadium.

Workout can wait

Hear about Fauja Singh, the 100-year-old man who just finished another marathon after taking up distance running at age 89?

"Wonderful, inspiring story," wrote Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. "It shows me that I have a few more decades before I need to give up doughnuts and beer and get serious about shaping up."

Quote marks

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after the Columbus tattoo-parlor owner who trigged the Ohio State football scandal was sentenced to three years in prison: "The good news for him is that where he's headed, there's no shortage of tattoos."

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, with the solution to Tony La Russa's bullpen-communication problems: "Carrier squirrels."

• Ex-NFL lineman Kyle Turley, 36, to LostLettermen.com, on performance-enhancing drugs: "If I did steroids, I'd still be playing football — or I'd be dead."

Shocking development

Missoula police say they had to use tasers on two University of Montana football players — quarterback Gerald Kemp and cornerback Trumaine Johnson — while breaking up a weekend party.

Griz spinmeisters immediately listed the duo as day-to-day with a stinger.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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