Looks like one college football program might be scandal-proof.

"When I played at Iowa State," tweeted Marc Lillibridge, a Cyclones linebacker from 1992 to 1994, "we were so bad the football players had to pay the boosters to show up for games."

Cashed out

The Chicago Cubs finally fired embattled GM Jim Hendry last week.

Now comes the hard part: Does he enter the Spendthrift Hall of Fame wearing a Bradley, Zambrano or Soriano jersey?

Naming rites

Who needs to wait for March and Dickie V? MiLB.com's "Moniker Madness" bracket — to determine minor-league baseball's best player name — is down to its final four, with these semifinal pairings:

• Seth Schwindenhammer vs. Rougned Odor

• Dusty Harvard vs. Beamer Weems

Protect your brew

"Researchers have found the brains of frequent tanners are comparable to those of alcoholics," wrote Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express. "From now on, I'm putting SPF 30 on my beer cans."

Grab a No. 2 pencil

Miami football players, trying to ignore the threat of NCAA sanctions, say they'd much rather concentrate on:

a) The upcoming season.

b) Cash payments, parties, yacht rides and prostitutes.

Going out with a bang

A fledgling company — Holy Smoke LLC of Stockton, Ala. — will pack your cremated remains into 100 rifle bullets for $1,250.

Just in case you'd like another shot in the hereafter.

Hold that line

Miami, USC, Ohio State, Oregon, Michigan, North Carolina and Georgia Tech comprise:

a) A list of schools who've been in hot water with the NCAA lately.

b) The expected makeup of the SEC's new North Division.

Talko time

• Jeff Schultz of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, trying to fathom why the SEC would want to add Texas A&M: "Because other than getting its toes into the state of Texas — assuming College Station counts — this is like a high-end mall expanding to add a Walgreens."

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on supermodel Gisele Bündchen revealing she was once captain of her club volleyball team: "No surprise really; she is still all over the net."

• Headline at SportsPickle.com: "Miami of Ohio booster admits to providing Wally Szczerbiak with free parka."

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on reports that Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz might no longer be an item: "He lost her in a poker game."

Blame it on thin air

State Rep. Tom Massey is spearheading a resolution that would declare pack-burro racing as the official summer sport of Colorado.

Which tells you all you need to know about the Rockies' playoff chances this year.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com