Two bits, four bits, six bits — too busy.
Cardinal O'Hara High School in Springfield, Pa., has been forced to create a "spirit squad" to cheer at its football and basketball games, the Delaware County Daily Times reported, because the real cheerleaders were too busy practicing and competing in cheer competitions.
Ducks Stop Here Dept.
The only chance of stopping Oregon in football this season, veteran Pac-12 watchers say, is if:
a) LaMichael James and Darron Thomas get injured.
b) The NCAA goes Duck hunting.
c) Some lucky cop clocks the team bus doing 118 down I-5.
Bad moon over Miami
The University of Miami, fearing the list of NCAA allegations against it will be long and repetitive, reportedly plans to rename their ibis Ibid.
• At Fark.com: "NFL will soon hire female official / Male refs still unwilling to give up the remote control on instant replays."
• At TheOnion.com: "GM exhausted after exercising options all morning."
Gee, that was easy
Ohio State president Gordon Gee was downright giddy after the Little Sisters of the Poor religious order officially forgave him for invoking their name in reference to other schools' weak nonconference football foes.
Forgiveness from the NCAA for his Buckeyes' off-field transgressions, one figures, won't be quite as forthcoming.
So who would win the race to get to the bottom of the Miami football scandal, the NCAA or FEMA?
Whoa isn't me
The Jacksonville Sharks won the Arena Football League title by defeating the Arizona Rattlers, 73-70.
Or as noted by David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "Proving once again that defense wins championships."
• Michael Rosenberg of SI.com, on the Miami booster scandal: "Cash payments, alcohol, strippers, hookers — no wonder the Hurricanes haven't won much lately. They're exhausted."
• Tigers pitcher Daniel Schlereth, to AP, on yielding Jim Thome's 600th career home run: "I felt kind of awkward. I didn't know whether to clap or what."
• NBC's Jimmy Fallon, on the Red Sox winning all four series this season against their No. 1 rival: "So today S&P downgraded the Yankees to the Mets."
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Boise State firing its athletic director: "Apparently the football field clashed with the new drapes in the press box."
According to a new study by Australia's University of Queensland, every hour of television watched after age 25 decreases one's lifespan by 22 minutes.
Or double that if you're watching Cubs games.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com