LeBron James' dance act wouldn't play well in old-school NBA

May I have this dancer?

That's how LeBron James and his Michael Flatley routine would have been adjudicated in the old-school NBA.

"If a guy was doing the Riverdance like that, coach would come over and say, 'Who's got the fewest amount of fouls of my big fellas?' " said ex-Celtic and TNT analyst Kevin McHale. "If you raised your hand, he would say, 'We will let him drive and then we will throw him on the ground.'

"When he is laying there we would say, 'Do you feel like dancing now?'

"And that pretty much solved the dancing problem."

Hail from the Chief

Among the top 10 signs that the Nobel Peace Prize has gone to President Obama's head, from CBS's David Letterman:

• "Thinks he also has a good shot at winning the Heisman Trophy.

• "Claims he can bring peace to Tiger Woods' house."

Thumbs-Down Dept.

"Battlefield Earth" emerged the winner, so to speak, when MovieFone.com released its list of the decade's 40 worst movies.

Thus outperforming such stellar competition as "Gigli," "Glitter" and 100 or so Detroit Lions game films.

Winning for losing

Once-corpulent golfer John Daly is down to a spry 185 after dropping more than 100 pounds, AP reported.

Or as his publicists prefer to say it, his belt buckle is 6 notches under par.

Vegging out

A man in Bloomington, Minn., was arrested for throwing two tomatoes at Sarah Palin during a book-signing appearance, but neither throw hit its intended target.

Here's hoping Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell has an airtight alibi.

Scorecard, baby

The tabloids' Tiger Woods mistress count, in barely two weeks of trying, has reached double figures.

Who would've guessed they'd already be into the back nine?

Talking the talk

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, after Driveliketiger paid $2.60 to show in Wednesday's second race at Hollywood Park: "My hunch is it'll do better when it goes to stud."

• Gary Loewen of the Toronto Sun, after the Bulls' Joakim Noah was ejected from a game last week for throwing the ball and striking a photographer: "A.k.a., a photo finish."

• Drew Curtis of Fark.com, on driver Danica Patrick unveiling a signature fragrance in February 2010: "In case you want your lady to smell like motor oil, burning rubber and gasoline."

• Tigers manager Jim Leyland, to AP, on why it doesn't pay to argue calls at first base: "He never changes his mind — plus he's behind the plate the next time."

Somebody scored

Thieves in Sao Paolo, Brazil, picked the perfect diversionary opportunity — during the soccer-crazed country's national-championship game on Sunday — to tunnel into a cash-delivery firm and make off with $6 million.

G-O-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-D!

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com