In the news:
Good thing Goodell’s not in charge of dog-sled racing
The Seattle Times
Super Bowl XLVIII, or Shiver Bowl I?
“ Not only is it going to be cold at next week’s Super Bowl, there’s a 30 percent chance of snow,” wrote Mike Bianchi of The Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel. “Welcome to Goodell’s Gaffe. For NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to allow a Super Bowl to be played in the Big Apple in February is just plain dumb.
“Good thing Goodell isn’t in charge of the National Dog-Sledding League, or he’d move the Iditarod to Miami Beach.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “New Browns coach Mike Pettine: ‘I ask for privacy during this difficult time.’ ”
• At TheOnion.com: “John Elway informs Peyton Manning that he’ll take things from here.
The Henry Doorly Zoo and Aquarium in Omaha, Neb., named a penguin in honor of Broncos QB Peyton Manning, but it’s not a perfect fit.
Both have the same waddle, all right, but Peyton takes to the air much better.
Stat of the Week
$7,875: amount Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman got fined for his “choke” taunt in this year’s NFC Championship Game
$10,500: amount 49ers running back Frank Gore got fined in the NFC title game a year ago — for wearing his socks too low
Running to nowhere
Famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking says black holes don’t actually exist.
OK, then, explain the Baltimore Ravens’ ground game this season.
One vote for Denver
Buffett, a manatee at the Mote Marine Laboratory in Sarasota, Fla., is picking the Broncos to beat the Seahawks.
Hey, don’t laugh: Buffett has correctly predicted the past six Super Bowl winners.
• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after the Yankees said they would use the $25 million they don’t have to pay A-Rod this season to cut prices on tickets, parking and concessions: “Who knew that ‘Masahiro Tanaka’ was Japanese for ‘cut prices on tickets, parking and concessions’?”
• Blogger TC Chong, after the only two marijuana-friendly states produced this year’s Super Bowl teams: “Was it talent that got them there, or just pot luck?”
• 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, to reporters, when asked about the toll from having to play three playoff games on the road: “They’ve got this brand-new invention that’s made it really good for us. Called the airplane.”
Turn down the heat
Skeptics said that if the Seahawks ever won the Super Bowl, hell would certainly freeze over.
Does a snowy day in New Jersey count?
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
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