Just maim, baby.

Ben Davidson, the mustachioed defensive end who died Monday at age 72, didn't start playing football until he was in community college, but he certainly knew what to do when an opponent clipped him: He reached into the guy's helmet and gouged him in the eye.

"He screamed and ran off the field," the ex-Washington Husky once told the San Francisco Chronicle. "That's when the light bulb went on in my head and I said, 'I can do this.' I think that's when I became a Raider."

What, no penalty kicks?

Not that the Mariners — hitting .195 at home this season — have trouble scoring runs or anything, but team publicists now refer to extra innings as "injury time."

Bad in the HR Dept.

Among the signs your company softball team might not be a title contender, from comedy writer Tim Hunter:

• "The team flag is white.

• "Six players on the DL with paper cuts.

• "One of your runners just slid into the pitcher's mound."

Headlines

• At Fark.com: "Our long national nightmare is over as Zach Parise and Ryan Suter sign with the Minnesota Hea — WILD. Minnesota Wild. Sorry."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Tiger Woods sets PGA record for most times back in a single season."

Singing the blues

Some Germans are blaming their team's loss in the Euro 2012 tournament on — get this — their players not singing their national anthem before the game as passionately as the victorious Italian team did.

Really? Then maybe we just let Up With People serve as our World Cup team.

Talking the talk

• Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register, not envisioning Steve Nash — who took a 29-win Suns team to 62 victories in his first season there — making the same splash in L.A.: "Nash can't improve the Lakers' record by 402 percentage points, as he did his first year in Phoenix, because you cannot play 1.025 basketball."

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, pushing for the Olympics to add a women's decathlon: "Hey, IOC, we'll trade you straight up for rhythmic gymnastics. Make the hoops-and-ribbons part of the Opening Ceremonies."

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after ex-Cardinals manager Tony La Russa denied that grudges played a role in some Reds getting left off the NL All-Star roster: "But remember this, La Russa is a man who intentionally walked Barry Bonds — in spring training."

• Parise's skating coach, Diane Ness, when the St. Paul Pioneer Press asked which NHL team her client would sign with: "I asked him not to tell me so I don't have to lie."

Low on the hog

Arkansas football coach John L. Smith says he's making plans to declare bankruptcy because of several bad land investments.

Or as Razorbacks apologists prefer to spin it, he just couldn't get his ground game established.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com