Sometimes, you have to give in and go with the flow.
That became glaringly apparent early last week, when the most important sociological question in this great land unexpectedly became: Are we or are we not living in a true post-Richard Sherman society?
In celebration of that, uh, achievement — and in keeping with the new national ethic of worth defined by cheap webpage hits — we hereby offer up The Wrap, Special Unabashed Super Bowl Hype Edition:
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Just to Be Clear: None of the above was meant to disrespect those postgame antics of Sherman. The guy was understandably furious, having just made a spectacular play to win the biggest game of his life.
Seriously, All You Haters: Who among us hasn’t had the urge to flash a choke sign at the meter maid when he/she arrived just as we drove off without a ticket? Buck up and let your inner lion scratch his nuggets once in a while.
In Any Case: That game is all slightly elevated levels of water under the bridge. Time to focus on the next victim, the Denver Broncos.
First Thought: This Won’t Be Easy: Not only are the Hawks facing the most productive offense in the league, they’re up against an old AFC rival with a storied history of Super Bowl quarterbacks with unusually large, cylindrical heads.
Stacked Odds: We are happy to see that the state’s two governors have arranged the traditional pre-Super Bowl bet that highlights their state’s most notable products. If the Broncos win, Gov. John Hickenlooper gets a box of smoked salmon, a case of fine Washington wine, a sack of gourmet coffee beans and a used 757. If the Seahawks win, Gov. Jay Inslee gets a chunk of ice and a clump of windswept brown earth and dead grass.
A Bit of History: Denver is named after former Kansas Territorial Gov. James W. Denver, whose most notable historical achievement was being no relation to John.
Claims to Fame: Denver’s proud civic accomplishments include years of nuclear contamination from a DOE weapons plant, chickening out on the 1976 Winter Olympics, and being one of only a handful of American cities dumb enough to host the Democratic National Convention twice.
Also Notable: Several U.S. Navy ships have been named USS Denver, mostly out of pity. Samsonite Luggage was born in Denver in 1910 and operated there for a century, until new owners realized where they were and promptly moved the company to Massachusetts.
Apples to Apples: Denver’s Gates Corporation is the world’s largest producer of automotive belts and hoses. Seattle’s Gates Foundation is the world’s largest curer of global hunger and disease.
We Kid Denver: But the town can rightfully boast of its own ongoing gifts to humanity — it’s the birthplace of The Shane Company, direct diamond importer, as well as Scott’s Liquid Gold furniture polish. (You laugh now; one day you will wake up to dull cabinet fronts.)
And Finally: We interrupt all this frivolity to pass along the week’s political stunner: The announcement that John Boehner, R-Sudden Tan, won’t run for president has got to be devastating news to his four likely voters. Struggle on, America.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.