We get that it’s dry out there, especially on the more-God-forsaken side of the state. Also that there are only so many firefighters to go around, and most of them have been fully engaged.
But weather and fire conditions in the Evergreen state are notoriously local. Most Seattle metro folks won’t believe this, but many people — Mr. Wrap among them — have sat shivering in persistent fog, drizzle and saturated ground in campsites around north Puget Sound and the Strait of Juan de Fuca for the past couple weeks.
Those people have a burning question for Lands Commissioner Peter Goldmark, who issued a blanket, one-size-fits-all burn ban that includes campfires and even charcoal grills in state parks all the way through the end of September, in spite of unseasonably damp conditions in some places: Seriously?
The dictum left some state parks employees scratching their heads. And a lot of people headed home from vacation early. Surely a state government that tends to excel in matters of fog has the wherewithal to safely issue an emergency Pea-Soup Exception.
More first-world crises:
Citizen Prime: Much ado last week about Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ surprise purchase of The Washington Post. He should know that we’re standing by to start waving the antitrust flag if he goes after the Omak-Okanogan County Chronicle.
Speaking of Newspaper Stunners: Sound Publishing will cease street-rack distribution of the Little Nickel, distributing it instead in community newspapers. Great. What are we supposed to read now at the taco truck?
Stopping to Smell the Heathers: Two hikers, one proclaiming his feat as a testament to veganism, have claimed new speed records for completing the entire Pacific Crest Trail. Congrats, but around here we have a phrase for racing up mountains and running through some of the most beautiful alpine terrain in the world: wasted opportunities.
Reefer Madness: CNN’s medical correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, did a surprising 180 on medicinal pot last week, saying he had bought into false stereotypes about cannabis. Look for him to go all in during the coming months by growing dreadlocks and changing his on-screen name to Dr. Sanjay Ganja.
Stop Freakin’: We were so happy to see Londoners dislodge that pesky 15-ton glob of congealed fat from a city sewer last week. Not just because they could all flush again, but because it allows us to actually check off a bucket-list item by typing the word, “fatberg.”
Do the Math: Attendance at the Seafair hydroplane races, in which fans are notably less emotionally invested than the fake one on the scoreboard at Safeco Field, plummeted this year with the absence of the Blue Angels. Go figure.
Algo-rhythmic: When you think about it, it really was only a matter of time before some crazy guy in Miami (where else?) killed his wife and then fessed up on Facebook. The really amazing thing is that, within 15 minutes, the guy’s news feed was flooded with advertisements from the law offices of John Henry Browne.
And Finally: Mr. Wrap offers the following sentence to the woman who said she will never read the Wrap again because of a really long one in last week’s column. So sorry.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.