In the news:
You only get one chance to screw these things up right.
Last year, for example, the Washington State Department O’ Truckin’ had the chance to respond to overwhelming public sentiment and name a new state ferry after beloved Seattle civic ham Ivar Haglund — and promptly blew it, choosing instead a native name that translates to “permanent list.”
Now comes the city of Tacoma, which has announced its desire to put a new moniker on one of its most distinctive features by selling naming rights to the Tacoma Dome.
All sorts of prospective suitors for the wood-roofed demi-dome come to mind, ranging from Orkin Pest Control to Dri-Z-Air or Weyerhaeuser. But there’s a better option. We urge the City of Destiny to enter into immediate negotiations with Mr. Wrap’s longtime unofficial sponsor, Tacoma Screw Products.
The time is ripe for the Tacoma Screw Dome.
More deep torquing:
Shocking, Shocking News: Turns out WSDOT knew since the 1970s that the bridge over the river Skagit was being repeatedly pummeled by oversized loads, but took little action to warn away truckers. Take that negligent response and multiply it by several hundred other bridges, then add 135,000 “self-issued” annual oversized load permits. Oh: Happy summer travels!
Speaking of That: Take a bow, Acrow Bridge and Atkinson Construction, for getting a temporary replacement in place so quickly.
Breaking Science News: Researchers have discovered that naked mole rats possess a complex sugar that keeps the hideous, blind underground creatures from getting cancer. Very selfless of NBA Commissioner David Stern to participate in the clinical trials.
Just Saying: Very tragic, the sudden demise of beloved actor James Gandolfini in Italy. We can only hope Amanda Knox has a darn good alibi.
Airplane Mode: The FAA is finally mulling an easing of restrictions on the use of electronic devices on airlines. The catch: You’ll have to remove your belt and shoes and keep your hands over your head at all times.
Attention, FBI: You didn’t hear this from us, but there’s strong reason to believe that Jimmy Hoffa is buried beneath a big patch of annoying horsetail on Mr. Wrap’s property. Commence digging at will.
Lazy B, Meet Lazy A: Airbus is toying with the idea of opening an engineering facility in rival Boeing’s Puget Sound-area backyard, The Times’ Dominic Gates reports. Holy cow. Does anyone in Renton even know how to make a decent croissant?
The Week’s Broken Quillshaft Award: To KIRO, for giving the boot to longtime hydro-race announcer and local radio legend Pat O’Day. On the other hand, given the abject lack of interest in what’s become a sideshow non-sport, it’s a wonder O’Day didn’t long ago walk away on his own.
And Finally: A tip of the dunce cap to the highest court of Italy, the Supreme Council of the Kangaroo, which has resurrected the preposterous “sex-game” theory of delusional prosecutor Giuliano Mignini to justify yet another trial of Seattle’s Amanda Knox for the 2007 slaying of her roommate, Meredith Kercher. The court’s borderline-perverse obsession with Knox has devolved into a comic farce. But at least there’s an upside: It makes our own oft-flawed justice system look like the gold standard.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.