The Wrap by Ron Judd
Rain takes a long holiday, and toll on our NW souls
Seattle Times staff columnist
The memories are growing fainter now. Think back and try to remember, before they're gone for good, existing only in the minds of our elders.
Moisture, dribbling from the sky. Cool, delicious rain.
As Mr. Wrap types this missive with parched, sunburned fingers at the dawn of the weekend, the dreaded dry spell has reached 48 days. (That's about 46 too many for those of us who walked to school every day in those godawful sweatbox-yellow rain slickers.)
The drought devastation is everywhere you look.
Port of Seattle boss Tay Yoshitani has been forced to triple-dip just to pay his hydrangea-watering bill. Local self-appointed weather guru Cliff Mass, under treatment for severe clinical depression, reportedly has been interviewing for a radio gig in Juneau. Two Paul Allen yachts went into unscheduled dry dock right in front of his Mercer Island house. And the Corps of Engineers has replaced the fish ladder at the Ballard Locks with an express elevator.
Concerns continue to mount, meanwhile, for our signature crop.
The moss. My God, the moss.
More parched lip service:
Speaking of Drought: If it gets any worse, we might have to start sacrificing innocent prisoners to appease the weather gods. You know, like Texas.
He'll Huff, and He'll Puff: You've gotta feel for that grandstanding rancher in Stevens County who has persuaded state wildlife officials to shoot wolves he blames for killing cattle he's grazing on public lands. Clearly, the slaughter of an innocent calf is abhorrent and unnatural — unless there's profit attached to it.
UnConventional: Some pretty nifty ad-libbing by Bill Clinton at the Democratic National Convention. Especially that line he slipped in about accepting the nomination.
Speaking of The Big Dog: Our good friend Smitty points out — rightfully — that Clinton's inauguration line, "There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America," ranks as one of the best political quotations in recent history. And its repeated use in video montages at the convention has elevated it one notch above his previous signature line, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
Another Tough Break for Our Proud Corporate Partner: Laboratory tests confirmed that globs of oil found on two Louisiana beaches after Hurricane Isaac came from the 2010 BP oil spill. What, you didn't really believe all those 5 million barrels of oil simply evaporated, did you?
Ringling Bros. Barnum & Sark: Huskies coach Steve Sarkisian prepped his players for this weekend's trip to LSU by bringing a caged tiger to practice, mocking the display of a similar live mascot outside LSU locker rooms. He could repeat the feat in coming weeks with a duck, a wildcat, a beaver, a bear, a buffalo, and a cougar. But we're predicting all sorts of trouble if he tries to psyche players up for Utah with any stunt involving a captive Ute.
And Finally: KING 5's Jim "Parka Boy" Forman floated the theory that a low-frequency hum perplexing people all over West Seattle might be the reverberating mating calls of "plainfin midshipman fish." Yeah, right. Like there's anything actually alive in the Duwamish waterway.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.