The origin of the universe, and other highbrow things
The Wrap by Ron Judd
Seattle Times staff columnist
Sure, it's about a foot and a half over most of our heads. That doesn't mean we shouldn't pause to celebrate last week's big scientific revelation.
Giddy physicists say they've uncovered further evidence that the fabled Higgs boson truly does exist, opening new doors to the study of the creation of the universe.
For those of us content to take their word for it, the discovery offers up a more pragmatic hope:
Once these people finish answering questions about how the world was made, perhaps we can finally get around to deciding what to do with it.
More subatomic speculation:
Finally, Some Truth in Advertising: We're not sure their message really got through, but you have to hand it to the #MicCheckWallSt organizers of the Fourth of July cash-tossing stunt, who promised in a website donation plea: "Every dollar you donate is guaranteed to be thrown off a building."
Break Out the Swamp Coolers: Sure, make fun of us, rest of America suffering from triple-digit temps for weeks. It's all relative. For us, going from fall weather to 80 degrees is like throwing a banana slug under a heat lamp. Stuff shrivels.
Baseless Argument Dept.: Merging military bases such as Fort Lewis and McChord Air Force Base has not saved as much money as expected. But the new megabase continues to be a net economic plus, largely through local Craigslist sales of pilfered night-vision goggles and other cool war equipment.
A Sure Sign Your Beloved Arena Proposal is in Trouble: The chief proponent's PR firm puts out statements pointing out a series of "UNDISPUTABLE FACTS" about the deal — almost all of which are currently in dispute by public officials.
Just One Question for Mayor McSchwinn: After weeks of assurances that the Seattle arena deal complies with Initiative 91, you tell the City Council that the law simply doesn't apply, because the city's proposed $200 million contribution to the David Stern Retirement Fund, being borrowed, is not actually money "spent"? Seriously? That's your argument?
Violin-cueing Arena Quote of the Week: "We could use some help here," hedge-fund manager Chris Hansen, in a KUOW interview, said of the need for public welfare to assist an arena investment group that includes Steve Ballmer, one of the world's wealthiest men. "This is a very hard pull. From a risk/reward standpoint, you have to appreciate, this is not a good investment, you know, good rate of return on investment compared to our other alternatives."
First Runner-up: Actual snippet from the highbrow arena debate online at seattletimes.com: "What would you rather the city spend money on? An oprah (sic) house that loses money and creates no jobs?"
But Seriously: We kid the arena supporters, who are matched in overzealousness only by all these new full time arena critics. It's summertime, kids. Go outside, take a breath and drink a Corona. Life will go on.
And Finally: Rumor is that Amazon is making its own smartphone. OK, but if you used an Amazon phone to order an Amazon phone from Amazon, isn't there some risk of opening a permanent tear in the time/space continuum or something?Ron Judd's column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.