You know you want one. Actually, you probably don't.
The record will reflect that the American train of progress officially went off the tracks with the unveiling of a new frosty, coagulated-fat delight from Burger King — the hot fudge, caramel and bacon sundae.
If it sells, the company will round out its new Upchuck Dessert Line (patent pending) with BK Signature Headcheesecake and a special Chunky Haggis Milkshake, both of which drew raves during product testing in the Deep South.
More gaseous rumblings:
Risky (Official) Business Update: Snohomish County Executive Aaron Reardon won't be charged with a crime for transgressions that included taking a mistress along with him on official travel, prosecutors have announced. A spokesman said Reardon was shacked up with another county employee and not immediately available for comment.
On a Brighter Note: The end of the case paves the way for Reardon to receive a cash grant for professional development by the William Jefferson Clinton Political Leadership Foundation.
We Weren't Even Going to Go There, But: Faithful reader Carie passed along breaking news that a violent hailstorm struck and damaged a Dale Chihuly glass exhibit at Dallas Arboretum — raising the truly frightening possibility that God does, indeed, reside in the Lone Star State.
The Best Grassroots Support Money Can Buy: That rollicking crowd of Sonics fans, estimated by organizers to be 66.6 million, sure was having a great time Thursday, building critical public momentum for a "self-financing" arena proposal that includes what amounts to a $200 million public payday loan from a cash-strapped city to one of the world's richest men. It was almost a shame when that darn bell rang and ended recess.
Seriously, Though: With the acknowledgment that the investment group includes Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, who could find $200 mil in his underwear drawer, the public-financing part of the plan goes from garden-variety offensive to laughable. Pulling it off the table would fast track the entire stealing-someone-else's team process.
Just Asking: Was Mr. Wrap on vacation when everyone started throwing around "trope" as the popular word of the moment?
Speaking of Arenas: If it ever does come to fruition, future Seattle NBA fans must promise one thing: For the love of God, never agree to come to a game all dressed up in the same shirt. The newest lame trend in fan conformity is like watching a sports event played before the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Meanwhile, in the Lesser Washington: Defense Secretary Leon Panetta has ordered a review of all mental diagnoses conducted by the military. Is it too late to order one up on Donald Rumsfeld?
Running a Bacterial 10K: Scientists have revealed that the average healthy human walks around with as many as 10,000 different species of germs on their bodies — unless they have never set foot inside a Washington State Department of Transportation restroom, in which case they carry only six.
And Finally: Heartiest congrats to all local high-school and college graduates. Best wishes as you take that first big step into adult life — even if it is on the stairway into your parent's basement. As you soon will learn, there are far worse places to be.Ron Judd's column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org
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About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.