Have a big wedding, live happily ever after?
Researchers Galena Rhoades and Scott Stanley emphasized that the choices men and women make long before they say “I do” seem to have a strong influence on their marriages years later.
Los Angeles Times
LOS ANGELES — To improve your odds of a high-quality marriage, try not to have too many sexual partners before you meet “the one.” And when you do find him or her, consider inviting at least 150 people to your wedding.
That’s some of the advice offered by two psychology researchers from the University of Denver who have studied 418 people who participated in the Relationship Development Study. All were single and between 18 and 40 when they joined the study in 2007 and 2008, and all of them had married by the time the researchers checked in with them five years later. The goal was to identify patterns of behavior that tended to set people up for successful and fulfilling marriages. The researchers asked study volunteers questions about “marital happiness, confiding in one another, believing things are going well in the relationship, and thoughts of divorce,” according to their report published this week. Those who ranked in the top 40 percent were considered to have “high-quality marriages.”
The researchers — Galena Rhoades and Scott Stanley — emphasized that the choices men and women make long before they say “I do” seem to have a strong influence on their marriages years later.
For instance, study volunteers were asked how many sexual partners they had before they got married, and the response (on average) was five. But 23 percent of them had slept only with the person they married, and they scored higher on the marriage-quality test than those who had more sexual experience. For women, the higher the number of sexual partners, “the less happy she reported her marriage to be,” according to the report.
People who had been through a divorce or who had lived with someone before meeting their current spouse were also less likely to have a high-quality marriage. The researchers found that 35 percent of these people earned that designation, compared with 42 percent of those who had only lived with their eventual spouse.
What’s wrong with having a past? “More experience may increase one’s awareness of alternative partners,” Rhoades and Stanley wrote, and “a strong sense of alternatives is believed to make it harder to maintain commitment to, and satisfaction with, what one already has.”
Couples who took relationship milestones seriously were more likely to have high-quality marriages compared with couples that merely stumbled into things. For instance, 32 percent of study volunteers said their relationship with their husband or wife began with a casual hookup. Among these folks, 36 percent had a high-quality marriage, compared with 42 percent of those who took things more slowly.
Likewise, among couples who moved in together before “making a commitment to marry,” only 31 percent had a high-quality marriage, the researchers reported. That compares with 43 percent of couples who decided to live together only after agreeing that they were on a path to marriage.
Finally, there’s the wedding itself. Among the 418 study volunteers, 11 percent did not have a formal wedding ceremony, and only 28 percent of these couples had a high-quality marriage. Meanwhile, 41 percent of couples who did have formal weddings achieved high-quality marriage status.
Apparently, the larger the guest list, the better the marriage. Researchers found that 47 percent of couples who wed in front of 150 or more guests had high-quality marriages, compared with only 31 percent of those who had 50 or fewer guests.
The study was funded with a grant from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. The report was published by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.