The year in flicks sparks rhyming tricks
Seattle Times movie critic Moira Macdonald looks back in rhyme at 2011's cinematic achievements — and disasters.
Seattle Times movie critic
Dear readers, look — once more it's time
To review this year's films, in rhyme!
Let's ponder what we saw unspool
That made us cry, or laugh, or drool
Or roll our eyes, or snore, or bounce
Or cancel our Netflix accounts.
First off, I hear a headboard shaking ...
Can this be true? Is 'Dawn' still breaking?
That "Twilight" girl, at last, was wed.
(It's hard to tell who's really dead.)
But elsewhere, things were more compelling
(What is that bad thing Edward's smelling?)
The Hogwarts tale came to an end —
We all felt like we'd lost a friend.
The year brought other old pals, too:
The Muppets; Sherlock; Jane Eyre; Pooh;
Depp's Captain Jack, that rum-soaked rover;
Those dimwit guys — yes, still hungover.
We loved a badly shirted Clooney
And greeted "Dragon's" goth girl, Rooney.
Brad Pitt was suave in "Moneyball";
Spacey sold short in "Margin Call."
"Bridesmaids" ended with a wedding;
"Shame" brought us much rumpled bedding.
That Olsen sis was pretty keen
In "Martha Marcy May Marlene."
And while we're watching M-names spin
Behold: Michelle as Marilyn!
Remember our comedic luck
As Woody's "Midnight" chimes were struck?
Or "Hugo's" charms, in Paris light?
(How nice to see 3D done right!)
"The Ides of March" showed Gosling's flair
"New Year's Eve" had ... well, nice hair.
(But note the year's most well-tressed martyr:
Bellatrix, or H.B. Carter.)
Cruise grimaced right through "M.I: 4"
While Branagh — huh? — directed "Thor. "
Of flops we surely had our fill:
Let's say no more of "Jack and Jill."
"The Change-Up" left our spirits down,
And who remembers "Larry Crowne"?
But in these depths no more I'll delve
So let's now hope that 2012
Will bring us joys, of many sizes
(Who's ready for "The Dark Knight Rises"?)
One wish, and then my verse is done:
Happy New Year, everyone!
Moira Macdonald: 206-464-2725 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Apologies, as always, to Roger Angell, whose "Greetings, Friends!" annual poems in The New Yorker inspired my own yearly foray into rhyme.
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