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Deuce Bigalow, ugly American
Special to The Seattle Times
Let me tell you what I'm going to do when I get done writing this review: I'm going to raise a lot of capital and start a cable channel faster than Al Gore started his.
My channel, unlike Gore's, won't be about news. It will be a sanctuary for television comics who don't belong in movies and who know it in their hearts. Comics whose ingenuity genuinely shines before a television camera but whose small-screen brilliance has no place in a big-screen medium meant for beautiful French actresses and Jimmy Stewart and Michael Caine and Buster Keaton and, um, beautiful French actresses.
I'm going to welcome to my channel the likes of Chevy Chase, David Spade, Tim Meadows, Will Ferrell (sorry, it's for his own good) and a whole lot of other people I can't think of right now cause it's late. But I promise they're not all from "Saturday Night Live." Well, one more: Rob Schneider.
"Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" with Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Jeroen Krabbé. Directed by Mike Bigelow, written by Schneider, Harris Goldberg, David Garrett and Jason Ward. 77 minutes. Rated R for nudity, sexual situations, gross-out humor. Several theaters.
Rob Schneider used to be funny on "SNL." You know, he was the Richmeister ("Sandy the Sandstress!") and the smallest of the Italian waiters hitting on a svelte Kirstie Alley ("Bellisimo!"). He did a fine job on TV, and if he came to me, I'd put him together with solid writers and he could do what he's good at every night on my channel. But he probably won't because he thinks making "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" was a better idea.
"European Gigolo" reprises Schneider's 1999 role as an idiot who becomes a male prostitute. After a couple of not-bad, black-comedy opening set pieces, "European Gigolo" keeps topping itself with sight gags so nauseating, involving every known orifice of the human body — and then some — that certain sensitive critics had to look away from the screen at times.
Eddie Griffin and Jeroen Krabbé co-star in a story in which Deuce tries to discover the identity of a "man-whore" killer. Along the way, you pray we've finally reached the nadir of gross-out movies; that it's all uphill from here.
Me, I don't care. My channel is going to rock. Stay tuned.
Tom Keogh: firstname.lastname@example.org
Copyright © 2005 The Seattle Times Company