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Originally published April 26, 2014 at 5:00 PM | Page modified April 26, 2014 at 6:56 PM

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Exactly who is getting hustled in Washington?


The Seattle Times

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Sideline Chatter

Yo, Washington Nationals: Ever hear of truth in advertising?

During the same game that Nats star Bryce Harper got benched for not running out a ground ball, the team was hawking programs featuring a picture of Harper along with the headline: “Nothing but hustle.”

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Chris Paul encourages local youths to stay out of foul trouble.”

• At Fark.com: “1972 Miami Dolphins lose one: RIP, Earl Morrall.”

Paging Nate Newton

One of five former Buffalo Bills cheerleaders suing the team claiming paltry pay says cheerleaders had to pass a weekly “jiggle test” to perform on game day.

Just be glad they don’t have a similar test for offensive linemen.

Stat of the Week

Just call him Mr. April.

Justin Upton, who leads the Braves with seven home runs and led the majors with 12 last April, has hit 36 April homers in his career — his highest total for any month.

Monsieur Butterfly

NBC has hired flamboyant figure skater Johnny Weir to rate track-goers’ fashions during its Kentucky Derby telecast, but it sounds like he’d rather be elsewhere.

“I’m not such a sports guy, aside from what people may think,” he told AP. “I love figure skating, I love my job, but aside from that, I prefer to run in meadows and chase butterflies.”

Paging Lex Luthor

After Portland’s LaMarcus Aldridge hit up Houston for 46 and 43 points in two playoff games, Rockets center Dwight Howard had to resort to his Superman roots for a possible solution. “Give him some bad food,” Howard told NBC Sports. “Hopefully he gets off Krypton and comes back to earth in the next couple of days.”

Talko time

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on why Yankee pitcher Michael Pineda got a 10-game suspension for putting pine tar on his neck: “Because league rules clearly state that all illegal substances must be put INSIDE your body.”

• Mike Puma of the New York Post, on the Pineda suspension: “If the umpires searched Bartolo Colon’s neck for a foreign substance, chances are they only would have found peanut butter.”

• Herschel Walker, to USA Today, on why he could still be an NFL player at age 52: “Running backs nowadays don’t play every down. Now they send in the choir section.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Michael Strahan’s “Good Morning America” debut: “The highlight was when he ran across town and sacked Matt Lauer.”

Intentional walking

The Class A California League’s Inland Empire 66ers will don appropriate jerseys when they stage Zombie Apocalypse Night on June 12.

Pundits predict the lineups will be loaded with dead pull hitters.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250

or dperry@seattletimes.com



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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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