Everything you want to know about Derek Jeter’s spring
The Seattle Times
Can’t we just wait for pitchers and catchers to report?
Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter is working out ahead of spring training at team facilities in Tampa, Fla. — and the Big Apple media is already there to chronicle his every move.
“We’re being told how many ground balls he’s fielding, including where he’s standing in the infield, how many swings he takes in batting practice, to where he’s hitting the ball,” wrote blogger Chad Picasner. “We know pretty much everything he’s doing except how long he’s in the shower afterwards.
“(I lied – it’s 10 minutes).”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Bored David Stern fixes his 8-year-old grandson’s basketball tournament.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Huskies unstoppable during cold-weather Puppy Bowl.”
He’s feeling lucky
Clint Eastwood successfully applied the Heimlich maneuver when Pebble Beach Pro-Am director Steve John choked on a piece of cheese.
So where was Clint when Greg Norman really needed him?
That humongous tunnel-boring machine that’s having difficulty opening a hole against Seattle is nicknamed:
b) Denver Bronco
Footing The Bill Dept.
Texas Motor Speedway’s April 6 NASCAR race will be called the Duck Commander 500 under a three-year sponsorship agreement with the company featured on the A&E show “Duck Dynasty.”
In keeping with the theme, car wrecks will henceforth be known as quack-ups.
Among the sure signs you overdid it during the Super Bowl party, from comedy writer Tim Hunter:
• “You woke up on a set of goal posts.
• “Richard Sherman complained you were too loud.
• “Nachos in places there shouldn’t be nachos.”
Robert Prince and Ron Prince have joined the Detroit Lions’ coaching staff.
“And with Prince Fielder and Tayshaun Prince gone,” noted Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, “it gets Detroit’s quota of Princes right back up where it should be.”
• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on one adult cowhide producing 10 Super Bowl game balls: “Forcing upon us the unsettling reality that the beautiful pass spiraling downfield once was a doe-eyed Holstein named Peg who did no harm and wished only to live her life in peace.
• TBS’s Conan O’Brien, on the 12 new Winter Olympic events: “The new events include women’s ski jumping, luge-team relay, and finding a working toilet.”
• Australian aerial skier Lydia Lassila, via Twitter, on her Olympic mantra: “The glory is not in never falling, but rising when we fall.”
• Blogger TC Chong, on Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez being voted into the Red Sox Hall of Fame: “Clemens was presented a book — ‘Misremembering for Dummies’ — and Pedro received a Don Zimmer punching bag.”
Life in the slow lane
A huge glacier in Greenland is moving at a record pace — 150 feet per day.
In fact, it just blew past Peyton Manning.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry
Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
email@example.com | 206-464-8250